


It was okay. It had to be.

by Kimium



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Modern AU, Multi, Non-Despair AU, POV switch, eventual OT3, temporary memory loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-29 12:23:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 36,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11440797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimium/pseuds/Kimium
Summary: Hanahaki Disease: Those experiencing unrequited love will start to cough up flowers/petals. If the love remains unrequited the flowers will slowly choke the person to death.Hajime loves Komaeda. Komaeda is getting married to Kamukura. He knows the only way to to stop the disease is dying or forgetting and he'd rather die remembering Komaeda than live forgetting. Too bad Kuzuryuu isn't going to let that happen.Eventual OT3.





	1. Let's Start at Dying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I am not sure how much of a thing this disease is... I mean there wasn't even an automatic tag for it... 
> 
> Anyways I read a Lamento fic ages ago with this idea and I just... loved the idea and vowed to write it. A couple years later and here I am! I know I should focus on writing Waking (which I started the next bit), but this kept popping into my mind. I hope I did it justice. Since I don't know the details to the disease (or could find much on it) I made a lot of stuff up on the spot... which I hope doesn't matter too much. 
> 
> (Also Kamukura is no way connected to Hajime besides friends. Writing him not a part of Hajime is strange, but freeing in a way...)
> 
> (I also hope Hinata doesn't come off as whiny or bad because Komaeda, at the moment, doesn't like him romantically. Nothing is worse than people who think they're owed something because they "like" another person, even if that person doesn't like them back.)
> 
> Since I am determined to keep this under two chapters, I hope the flow is fine and everything is smooth. I was going to make this a one shot, but if I kept it one part, it would be way too long and I don't want to scare people with a wall of text.
> 
> I hope you all like this! I'm very excited to share it. I shall stop talking though, since it's past 2 am over here and I should get myself to bed.
> 
> As always feel free to leave a kudos or comment. Not needed, but they always make my day!

**Part One: Dying**

_It was okay. It was okay._

Hajime repeated this phrase slowly, almost methodically, letting the words and syllables fall into a protective barrier around him. He didn’t want to call it a prayer. Prayer implied there was belief, perhaps hope to back the words. These words were void, empty, hollow of substance. The shell was nothing more than a layer of desperation, thin like brightly covered candy over chocolate. Any pressure would crack the shell, exposing him.

Swallowing dryly Hajime looked in the mirror of his car. The day was bright, hot, despite it barely nine in the morning. Few cars littered the parking lot, but Hajime knew within the next half hour the place would be full, despite it not being the weekend. Sunlight filtered into his car, making it a moving sauna when not on. His hand twitched on the keys.

_It was okay. It was okay._

He could leave. He didn’t have to go. He could make up any number of excuses, apologies as hollow as the words he was chanting in his mind. His phone sat, hot and heavy in his pocket, suddenly a weight against his leg. All he’d have to do is send a text, turn his car on, and drive home. Perhaps he could dive under the covers of his bed, shut himself off from the outside world. His work was done, it was a weekend. Surely, he earned it?

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

No. He couldn’t do that. He had promised days ago, with words bright, a smile strained. No one noticed the front he was putting up, the weight on his heart whenever he spoke. But he had, in the moment, half meant his words, and half meaning them had to count towards something. Shutting his eyes, Hajime tried to relocate the feeling. He wandered into the memory, remembering how they ran into each other on campus… how the other’s eyes twinkled when he agreed, how he smiled and started to ramble about plans.

A sting accompanied the feeling, but it was better than nothing, better than being a coward and chickening out.

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

_He could do this._

Pulling his keys out of the car, Hajime exited, locking the door, and walking to the café. Stepping inside, he was greeted with cool air, a blessing from the heat. Even if he only walked less than a minute to get to the door.

The place was silent, with few people at the counters and tables. It made it easy to spot the people he was looking for. A moment passed before they spotted him. It gave Hajime a small grace period, the final one, to steel himself, remind himself this wasn’t about him, it was about his best friend.

“Hey Hajime!” Komaeda waved, smiling, “You’re right on time!”

“Hello Hajime.” Kamukura softly said, smiling, but not as wide as his fiancé.

His unrequited love.

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

The sting didn’t leave him, it slowly welled up, burning inside of Hajime. Breathing became difficult and his lungs seized up. Hajime could feel the tendrils of something curl slowly around his lungs, curling out towards his heart. He forced air through anyways. This was to be expected. It was okay. He’d just order a lot of coffee and then make an excuse to go to the bathroom.

_It was okay. It was okay._

“Hey!” Hajime’s voice rang out lightly.

_~~Liar. Notice it. Call me out… ask me why I’m so fake…~~ _

_It was okay. It was okay._

“I hope I’m not too late.” He sat down.

“Never late.” Komaeda laughed and elbowed him, “But that’s a good quality in the best man, right?”

Best man. The words drove a stake through his body, right through his abdomen. Hajime smiled and hoped blood didn’t well from his lips in a bloody mess.

“Of course,” Hajime replied, “You don’t want me late to your wedding. I don’t want to be late to your wedding. I got a speech.”

“One full of embarrassing stories about Nagito.” Kamukura dryly pointed out, his mouth twitching into a small smile.

“Hey…” Komaeda stretched the syllables out, “You can’t do that Hajime! We’re best friends! It would be betrayal.”

Like how his façade was? Hajime held the thoughts back and eyed Komaeda, humming, “Well I do have some good ones… ones I haven’t told Izuru yet…”

Kamukura coughed behind his hand, “I may have to talk to you later then…”

Komaeda pouted. Hajime felt another tendril curl and slowly cut his air off. He opted to flag down a waiter, giving him a small break in their conversation. “Hello, yes I’d like a cup of coffee and one of your cranberry muffins please.”

“Right away.” The waiter nodded and walked off.

“Now that we’ve settled how you’ll embarrass me during my wedding… let’s get started!” Komaeda pulled some papers out, “I hope you got a planner… we’ve… added some things.”

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

_He could do this._

“I’m prepared.” Hajime dug into his pocket and pulled his phone out, “I’ll write them down here, less I lose the pad of paper again.”

Liar. He wasn’t prepared. He hadn’t planned to have everything go downhill.

He hadn’t planned on getting sick.

~

Hajime lasted an hour and forty-eight minutes before the pressing, the curling and crushing in his lungs became overbearing. Komaeda and Kamukura’s words were blurring into a film of noise. A wave of queasiness burned slowly into his stomach, mixing with the coffee and muffin. His head pounded and his body was slowly churning, liquidating everything into a sickness balled tightly in his stomach.

“Sorry, one moment.” Hajime kept his voice even, his smile still on, “I’m just going to the bathroom. We can read over what I wrote after and see if everything still works.”

“Okay Hajime.” Komaeda nodded, “Do you want more coffee too?”

It was probably a bad idea, but Hajime nodded anyways, “Sure. Thanks.”

He walked calmly, feeling sweat pour down his brow, the ache in his chest cold and hot at the same time. As soon as he was out of their sight, he ran, rushing into the bathroom, nearly pulling the door off the hinges. Hiding in a stall, he barely knelt in time. There was no acidic taste, no vile stomach acid burning on his tongue. Instead, Hajime tasted earth, soil, like someone had shoved his face into the ground. He could taste the green a moment later, vibrant.

Hajime gasped and groaned as he slowly threw up a string of flowers, each medium sized, like a smaller carnation, or perhaps a tulip. Hajime didn’t care what kind of flower he was throwing up. Each flower fell in a single bud into the toilet, floating precariously. Hajime threw up three more before a string of flowers on vines, curling and intertwined with each other.

When he stopped, his brow was sweaty, but it had been all of five minutes. Groaning, Hajime tried to not stare at what he had thrown up, but the ground was already crumbling and collapsing under the weight of the truth.

He was sick and it was because he was in love.

With someone who didn’t love him back.

Hajime punched his leg harshly. No, he wasn’t going to be that person… he wasn’t going to whine and moan because someone didn’t see him in a romantic light. Childish people did that. Self entitled people did that. Not friends. Not best friends. And certainly not the best man for a best friend’s wedding.

Flushing the toilet, Hajime walked out and quickly washed his face. His skin was a bit pale, but he could chalk it up to lack of sleep if asked. Or he could just straight up deny it. Exhaling, he walked out, back to the table. The sight that greeted him almost made him run back to the bathroom.

Komaeda was snuggled close to Kamukura, hands laced, as they chatted softly. They were the picture of a couple, complete with how the light danced off their respective rings. Hajime felt the tightening in his lungs start up again. He pinched himself. At this rate… he’d have another trip to the bathroom and too many were suspicious. He forced himself to walk over.

“Hey,” Komaeda started before he paused, “You all right Hajime?”

“Huh?” Hajime winced inside. Crap he was that noticeable?

“You look a bit pale.” Kamukura added.

“I do?” Hajime shook his head, “Anyways, let’s get back to this, shall we?”

They both eyed him silently. Hajime tried to not flinch under the weight of their stares. This was pathetic. He had to keep it together, not break down. This was beyond him now. It was for his best friend. Hajime couldn’t be selfish.

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

“Okay… as long as you’re fine…” Komaeda muttered.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Hajime smiled, “We got a lot to plan. Let’s keep going.”

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

~

Hajime stared at the list of people and the time Komaeda agreed to for a bachelor’s party. He had protested at first, saying it felt strange to do something so… traditional, but Souda had voiced disappointment and that lead to Sonia suggesting it be more of a friend get-together than a “male only” outing, and her suggestion kicked off. It was just up to Hajime to plan it, to put everyone together. It was harder than he thought. Everyone was so busy and filled with their own schedules.

He coughed, holding his hand over his mouth. A small flower brushed his palm. Hajime glared and picked it up, wet with his saliva, and tossed it across the room. The flower dropped to the ground, barely a meter away from him.

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

Standing up, Hajime bent and picked the flower up, staring at it. The flower was white and fluffy, with hints of pink at the edges. It was beautiful, full, and fresh. Hajime wanted to burn it.

“You’re so pathetic.” He muttered to himself, “Just… once Nagito marries you can move on. Realize this pining is killing you…”

Move on… and what? Ignore Komaeda? Never see him or Kamukura again? Was that how he killed the emotions blossoming in his lungs? Was that how he saved himself? Cut himself off from others? Cut himself off from Komaeda? It was the only option. All his friends were friends with Komaeda too… there was no way Hajime could hang out with someone and not end up talking about the soon to be happily married couple…

Another flower erupted from his lips and broke Hajime’s composure. Falling to the ground he coughed harder, feeling more flowers spill. Tears spilt down his cheeks in a pathetic display of selfishness. Hajime curled his arms around his body and stood up, wobbling to his bed. He collapsed ungraceful, head first.

He wished he could rewind time, back to when it was just him and Komaeda, sitting in his parent’s house, on the couch, laughing, warm and light. Or perhaps he simply wanted the courage to tell Komaeda, give into a small selfish desire inside of him, to break Komaeda’s bubble of ignorance.

No… Hajime couldn’t do that. That was pathetic… wanting to drag others down. Komaeda had the right to be happy with who he loved. Kamukura wasn’t a bad guy… far from it. Hajime wasn’t going to ruin his friend’s happiness because he was sad Komaeda wasn’t in love with him. That was pitiful.

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

Sitting up, Hajime dried his tears and threw the flowers into the trash. He had to compose himself. Just a bit longer.

Longer for what, he wasn’t sure. Would he just stay on the cycle or would he… seek help?

The idea made Hajime wheeze. No… actual help was costly... He wasn’t delusional. This was too far gone… actual help would require…

No. Hajime paled at the idea. A voice reminded him he was sacrificing so much already… was being a bit selfish that bad in the end? Could anyone blame him for deciding to cling to everything for as long as he could?

There was no proper answer.

~

Music played loudly as Mioda took her turn at the karaoke. Saionji beamed and smiled, while Tanaka retreated to a corner, Sonia stroking his shoulders. The party was a success and Hajime felt a slight relief in pressure from the planning, but that was easily replaced with the pain of being close to Komaeda. Hajime picked up his drink and took a long sip, feeling a buzz run through his veins. It helped keep the edge off, sooth the constricting in his lungs. Checking his phone, Hajime made a mental note of the time. As the organizer he couldn’t leave early, but he should slip out while everyone was still around as a distraction…

“Hello.”

Hajime set his phone down. Kamukura was sitting beside him, almost red-brown eyes calm and cool. A glass of something was in his hands, but Kamukura showed no signs of being flushed.

“Hey Izuru.” Hajime gave a smile and sipped his drink again, “Enjoying the get together?”

“It is pleasant.” Kamukura replied, “Though I’m questioning our choice for adding karaoke.”

“I don’t think lack of karaoke machine would have stopped Ibuki.” Hajime pointed out.

Kamukura gave a small smile, “You’re right… but giving Ibuki a microphone amplifies her… voice.”

Hajime laughed, almost choking when a tightening around his lungs accompanied the laughter. “Her music is an acquired taste…”

“Anyways, I was sent by Nagito.” Kamukura continued, “He says just because you planned this doesn’t mean you have to supervise everything. Join us.”

Oh right. Hajime hadn’t noticed he was acting as supervisor… but the invitation to join them would push his limits. As if reminding him, his air slowly squeezed out, and Hajime could taste a hint of dirt. Draining his drink, Hajime set the empty glass on the counter and nodded.

“Sure, I’ll join. Just… going to the bathroom first.”

“Okay.” Kamukura agreed standing up and walking.

Hajime wobbled up and was about to leave, when Kamukura suddenly touched his arm, stepping back, closer. Hajime froze and whipped his head around, staring at him.

“Oh, and Hajime…” Kamukura’s brow furrowed ever so slightly.

“Yes?” Hajime squeaked out.

Kamukura’s face smoothed, relaxing, “Thank you for helping set this up. It means a lot to us.”

A flippant comment about how it wasn’t a big deal was silenced with a cough and pressure in his lungs. Hajime almost doubled over, but he managed to make it sound strangled, almost embarrassed. At least… he hoped so… He could taste the dirt stronger on his lips, touching his tongue. He knew if he tried to speak he’d throw up a flower and that would ruin everything.

Giving a head nod, Hajime walked in the opposite direction of the bathroom, to the exit. Stepping outside, he ducked to the side of the building, coughing into his hands. A few flowers, mainly morning glories and a couple tiny white flowers, fell into his hands. Hajime immediately located a dumpster and tossed the flowers into there. He coughed a few more times, making sure to dispose of the flowers properly, before he finished, leaning against the wall, letting the night breeze cool his forehead.

“Hajime?”

Crap. It was Komaeda. Hajime peeked over. Komaeda walked up, surprisingly coordinated, a frown on his lips. “Izuru said you started to cough… are you feeling all right?” His face paled, “Is it the stress of planning? I’m so sorry Hajime…”

“No, no it’s fine… I…” Hajime tried to think of an excuse, “I just… drank too much.”

“Oh?” Komaeda blinked before biting his lip, “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself… but you can’t be that careless…” He walked closer, “Do you need anything?”

Hajime’s heart stopped and he was glad the alley was dark, less Komaeda see his blush. Even if he did, he’d attribute it to the alcohol. His chest constricted for a different reason as Komaeda slowly lifted his hand and placed it on his forehead, brushing his bangs.

He was so close… so painfully close. A dark voice inside of Hajime told him he could lean over… kiss him… blame it on the alcohol… but… he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to Komaeda on the night of his bachelor’s party.

“You’re not too warm…” Komaeda muttered, “But I’ll get you a glass of water. Stay put.”

He removed his hand and Hajime’s hear mourned the loss. Leaning heavily against the wall, Hajime’s chest burned hotter, crippling his ability to move. He wasn’t sure how long Komaeda took, but he returned with a glass of water.

“Here.” He passed it, “Take it easy. Sonia also says she can drive you home. Did you drive here?”

“Uh… yes.” Hajime answered before drinking the entire glass of water in one gulp.

“I’ll let her know. She can send someone to drive your car back.” Komaeda concluded. “Are you feeling better?”

His chest was still aching, but he couldn’t taste the earth, so Hajime nodded his head, “Yeah, sorry… let’s go back inside.”

“Okay.” Komaeda smiled, “We’ve started a new round of karaoke. Maybe, if we pester Izuru enough, he’ll perform.”

Hajime stifled a laugh, “He has a good voice… too bad we have to practically black mail him.”

“Yeah… but with our combined forces we can peer pressure him to sing!” Komaeda laughed and grabbed Hajime’s hand, “Come on, let’s go!”

His heart spluttered and a new wave of tightening occurred, but Hajime ignored it and savoured the feel of Komaeda’s hand on his, “Okay. Let’s go.”

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

~

“Thanks for the ride home.” Hajime sat comfortably in Sonia’s limo.

“It’s no problem Hajime!” Sonia beamed and snuggled warmly into Tanaka, “You’re on the way home, so it’s really no big deal.”

“Listen to my Lady, Hinata Hajime.” Tanaka told him, “You’re no burden upon us. Our contract has been sealed and we shall come to your aid at any time.”

“Thank you.” Hajime smiled, “Did you enjoy yourselves?”

“Yes, we did.” Tanaka replied, “You planned a splendid gathering. Though I question the choice to have the she-devil at the microphone.”

“Sorry!” Hajime laughed, “Izuru said the same thing.”

“Izuru understands the dreadful power behind her voice.” Tanaka firmly said.

“Ibuki’s voice isn’t that… bad…” Sonia defended her, “Though… we’re not having karaoke at the banquet… are we?”

The banquet. It sobered Hajime up a bit, making his chest dully throb, “Uh… no.” He forced himself to answer. “A live band, but no one will let Ibuki at the microphone.” He paused, “I think.”

Tanaka paled. “I’ll set up the appropriate measures so that doesn’t happen.”

He probably meant talking to… the grooms… Hajime’s heart ached and he could feel the flowers slowly forming and curling against his lungs. Sweat broke across his brow and he hoped that they’d reach his place soon.

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

He had to keep his composure… just a bit longer…

“Are you okay Hajime?” Sonia asked, “Are you still feeling queasy? I can get you some water.” She reached for the mini fridge.

“Oh, I’m fine.” Hajime quickly protested, “Thank you though.”

“If you say so…” Sonia said.

Crap. This was pathetic… How would he manage at the actual wedding? Hopefully with sheer will. It was the only way.

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

~

His report sat, unread, unedited. Hajime barely made a dent in it. He was an hour and a half into his work and instead he was staring at the calendar. Just a week… just another week… it was so close. Could he last that long? The anticipation alone was hard, but the wedding was going to be another hurdle. Not to mention the rehearsal…

“Hinata-san, are you done?”

Yukizome poked her head into his office, practically bouncing in, “Kyosuke says he expects the report on his desk by the end of today.”

Hajime flushed and pulled his thoughts back, “Did Munakata-san send you?”

“Nope!” Yukizome cheerfully replied, “I decided to check up on you, seeing as you’re our cute little newbie.” She bounced over and peered at his report, “You’ve barely done anything…” She pouted.

“Sorry…” Hajime blushed, “I… just got a lot on my mind…”

“Ah yes!” Yukizome smacked her fist into her open palm before flipping open a notebook, “Komaeda-kun and Kamukura-kun are having their wedding this week, right?”

Great, she was reminding him. Hajime forced a smile, “Yes, it is… sorry… I was distracted…”

“I understand.” Yukizome smiled, shutting her notebook, “Weddings are special! Still,” She pointed her finger at him, “You’re our Grad Student, so we expect that report done. Once you finish that, you can go for today. I’ll talk to Kyosuke and tell him to give you the rest of the week off. I expect you’ll be more focused after the wedding, yes?”

After… Hajime’s heart spiraled around the word and he felt his breath shorten. “Uh… yes…” He forced himself to say.

“Good!” Yukizome smiled, “Well then, I’ll leave you to it!”

She walked out and shut the door. Hajime doubled over, close to his garbage can and coughed up a flower. It was a dull red colour. Wrapping a tissue around it, Hajime stuffed it into his bag. He’d dispose of it properly later. Pulling his thoughts in order, he focused on the report. He could do this.

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

~

“No, no again!” Koizumi put her hands on her hips, “Someone...” She glared at them all, “Blinked.”

“S-sorry…” Tsumiki stammered.

“Oh, not you Mikan.” Koizumi’s voice lightened before she whipped her gaze to them all, “Now, smile. And remember where you are. It will make pictures tomorrow easier.”

“Why are we taking the photos now?” Souda asked Hajime, “She won’t even keep these ones…”

“I heard that.” Koizumi called out, “It’s so I know the angle and the lightening and everything else!”

“S-sorry…” Souda paled.

“Now, smile everyone!” Koizumi ordered.

The camera flashed and Hajime did his best to keep smiling, but the toll of the rehearsal was pulling him down. Even though it wasn’t the real thing, Hajime’s breath was compromised greatly. His back was sweaty from keeping his composure, forcing the flowers to not come up. But it would back fire later, reminding him that throwing up was inevitable. At least… for now it was… because soon it wouldn’t be and then…

“Okay I’m done.” Koizumi announced, “Thanks everyone.”

“Are we done everything?” Owari asked for everyone, “I’m starving.”

She turned her head to Komaeda and Kamukura who both looked at each other and nodded, “Yes, it’s done.” Kamukura announced, “Thank you, for all the hard work. Nagito?”

Komaeda grabbed his hand and stroked it, “Yes, thank you everyone! As a reminder, you can come as early as 6:30am. The back doors will be open. Please park in the back, as the side parking is for the guests. Other than that, have a good evening. Thank you again.”

Everyone slowly broke away, Kuzuryuu already on the phone for his driver as well as Sonia. Pekoyama was chatting with Ibuki. Owari was practically dragging Nidai out the door, yelling good byes. Koizumi was putting away her equipment and Saionji hovered by her. No one was looking at him. He could slip away silently…

“Hajime!” Komaeda called out to him, walking over, “Hey, Izuru and I were going to get something to eat with Souda, Ibuki, and possibly Koizumi and Saionji. Do you want to come?”

The proper answer was no, he didn’t. Hajime shouldn’t have to subject himself to torture. His lungs were about to burst and he needed to escape, have a moment alone… but the shine in Komaeda’s eyes… Hajime couldn’t deny him. It hurt how much he would drop everything in a heartbeat for Komaeda. Another twist filled his lungs.

“Yes, I’d love to. Where are we thinking?”

“Just pizza at that place down the street.” Komaeda replied, “Something quick and simple. We’ll have all the varieties later.”

Later… at the wedding. Hajime’s vision grew splotchy. He forced another smile, “Right. I’ll see you at the place then.”

“Okay.” Komaeda grinned, “See you in a bit.”

Nodding, Hajime waited until Komaeda left to talk to Izuru, before booking it to the bathroom. Falling to his knees he coughed violently, so harshly tears ran down his face in a silent sob. Flower after flower escaped his lips, making his throat hurt from how long he threw up. By the time he was done, his head was spinning and the smell of flowers over powered his senses. Wobbling up, Hajime flushed the toilet and tried to pretend he wasn’t crying.

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

_~~Liar.~~ _

~

By the time Hajime arrived, everyone was debating what to order. Slipping in beside Souda, Hajime gave a wave. “What have we decided?”

“Souda wants anchovies and I’ll have you know anchovies on pizza is a crime against humanity.” Saionji replied.

“They are not!” Souda said with a pout.

“Are too.” Saionji retorted, “The only kind of pizza is pepperoni.”

“That’s so boring.” Souda argued, “Let’s have variety.”

“If by variety you mean anchovies the answer is still no.”

“Hiyoko…” Koizumi put a hand on her shoulder, “We can always order two pizzas.”

“That is the best option.” Kamukura agreed, “We’ll get what Souda wants and what Hiyoko wants. Any objections?”

“Nope.” Hajime answered, “I’m not picky with pizza.”

“That’s true.” Komaeda laughed, “Like that one time we had an order mix up… it had green peppers… Hajime took a hit for the team and ate that one.”

“It wasn’t that bad…” Hajime replied.

“Green peppers are just… no thanks.” Komaeda firmly stated before he flagged down a waitress and placed their order.

As they waited, Komaeda and Kamukura curled their hands together and Komaeda subtly snuggled into him. Hajime turned his head away a bit, suddenly regretting the choice to come. Even though throwing up in the bathroom should have been a tip off the decision was a bad one.

No… he wasn’t going to be like that… Komaeda deserved happiness. This was fine. It was training… for the wedding…

Hajime’s heart burned and he felt the tightening start, the cycle ever flowing. Soon it would stop. It would be over… just until the wedding.

_(Until what exactly, Hajime still couldn’t answer.)_

~

He woke on the day of the wedding and already the queasiness was on overdrive. Rolling out of bed, Hajime stumbled to his bathroom and stared in the mirror. Just a bit longer… just for the day…

A choked sob escaped his lips and Hajime threw up a dark blue flower into the sink, followed by some blood. He froze. This… was new… he had never thrown up blood before… He tentatively touched the flower, watching as his vision blurred when tears ran down his face. A broken sob, one laced with everything he couldn’t say, broke into the room. Crumbling to the ground, Hajime cried.

This wasn’t fair, but life wasn’t fair. There were no happy endings, no magic to save the day. Just cold, hard facts: his best friend was getting married. He wasn’t in the picture. It was just what Hajime had to accept, accept and move on.

But why was it so hard? Why did it have to be like this? Hajime wanted to stay in his bathroom forever, not face the day, but he couldn’t do that. He had to do this for Komaeda. He had to see him on his most important day in his life and then…

And then what? Would the sickness disappear? Would he be able to finally move on once Komaeda was married to Kamukura?

Another flower escaped his lips, falling onto the floor. It was just as dark as the first flower, though it was sprinkled with blood. The flower answered his questions for him. Hajime frowned and threw the flower into the garbage. He’d have to face the truth somehow… either… staying on the cycle… or…

No. He wasn’t going to seek actual help. It would cost too much.

_Selfish. Selfish. Selfish._

Forcing himself to stand, Hajime washed his face and got ready. He could worry about everything later. For now, he had to worry about the day.

~

Komaeda looked beautiful in a tailored suit, a soft charcoal grey with a vibrant blue tie. Kamukura too, with his red tie. The day was warm with sunlight streaming through beautifully. Everything was going well and Hajime’s aching was kept to a dull throb.

Until the vows. Until they were asked if there were any objections. It was horrible to ask, too tempting and cruel. Hajime clamped his mouth shut so hard his jaw ached. When the vows finished and the kiss done, Everyone, was clapping, a few people crying. Hajime was too, but he knew it was for different reasons and it made the aching in his chest a bit more unbearable.

_It was okay. It was okay. It was okay._

_~~It was not okay.~~ _

~

The speech was burning in his pocket as Hajime stood up at the table, demanding everyone’s attention. He could taste the dirt on his lips, the taste of greenery. It made his actions fake, his smile fake, the words he spoke fake.

_Fake. Fake. Fake. Call me out… tell me how fake I am… tell me how unworthy I am to be making this speech…_

Hajime talked, he made his voice light, his smile bright, and when he finished everyone clapped. Komaeda and Kamukura were smiling at him, warm and bright. Hajime smiled back but all he could feel was how empty he was. A void was opening inside of him and all he wanted to do was hide. He instead sat down and accepted the hug Komaeda gave him, letting himself selfishly enjoy it for a fraction of a second too long.

“Now that the speeches are done, it’s time for the first dance!” The lead singer of the band announced, “If our lovely couple could come to the floor…”

“Go on,” Hajime’s voice sounded distant.

“Right. Hope I don’t trip.” Komaeda whispered before he got up.

The music the band played was soft, a ballad. Komaeda and Kamukura swayed to the beat, Kamukura easily taking the lead, spinning Komaeda around effortlessly. Every spin Komaeda did only corkscrewed a cog into Hajime’s heart. The ache in his chest doubled and he couldn’t watch. Standing up he silently exited from the back of the table, rushing to the bathroom.

He was sobbing before he even got inside. It made him hate himself even more. A black pit of inky slime coated his insides as he cried, choking up flowers. The flowers were dark blue, but slowly turned black. Iron and copper coated his mouth as he coughed up blood too. Everything was spinning, out of his control now. Hajime wanted to smack himself, but the pain in his chest was too much.

“Hajime?!”

No… someone found him. Hajime whipped his head up, praying to all the forces on the planet it wasn’t Komaeda or Kamukura.

It was Kuzuryuu, his eyes wide, skin pale as he took in the sight. Hajime scrambled up, or at least tried to, but instead he tumbled back down, hitting his arm harshly against the wall.

“I…” He tried to make an excuse, but Kuzuryuu had seen, “Please… you can’t tell Nagito. Or Izuru. Please Fuyuhiko… please…”

“You’re…” His gaze hardened, “How long?”

“Please don’t tell…”

“I asked, how long?” Kuzuryuu pressed before he shook his head, “Long enough it seems. You’re coughing up black flowers… and blood. It’s near the end then…”

Digging into the pocket, he quickly pulled his phone out. Hajime’s heart sank and he raced over, to try and stop him, but Kuzuryuu glared. “I won’t tell Nagito or Izuru. I’m texting Peko.” He turned his phone so Hajime could see he was telling the truth, “It isn’t my place to tell them.”

He… wasn’t? Hajime blinked and felt another wave of sickness hit him. He groaned. Kuzuryuu sighed, “Have you been drinking chamomile tea?”

Chamomile tea? “N-No…?”

“Herbal teas help.” Kuzuryuu muttered, “I’ll get Peko to bring you water though. That’s as good as we’ll get right now. We’ll buy you some chamomile tea after. Also, I’ll book the appointment.”

Hajime completely blocked the beginning, only focusing on the end, “Appointment?!”

“You’re near the end. You’ll die if you keep this up.” Kuzuryuu bluntly told him, “Black flowers symbolize the end. You’ll have maybe a month at best. I’m not letting that happen.”

At best rang in his head. It was code for “at maximum”. Hajime swallowed. It meant he could die soon… at any time… even tomorrow.

“B-but…” Hajime shook his head, “You can’t… we’ve known each other for too long… the only way to save me now is…” He paled, “I don’t want to forget him.” He felt another wave of tears hit him harshly, “Please… I’d rather die knowing him then live forgetting him.”

“Too bad.” Kuzuryuu snapped, “I’m not letting you die.”

Anger replaced Hajime’s sadness, swift and full, a bit foreign. “No, this is my choice. Let me be selfish… please… Nagito is happy now. He has Izuru… if I go…” He felt sadness lace his anger in a wave that smashed into his heart, “It will hurt him… but…”

“Either way, Nagito will be hurt.” Kuzuryuu told him, “Either by your death or discovering you were suffering with this… disease. We can’t hide your death but… we can hide the aftermath of the appointment.” He sucked in a deep breath, “I’ll do it.”

He… Hajime gaped, “You’d lie to Nagito about me?”

“Hypocrite.” Kuzuryuu cut through his words easily, “And you’re forgetting… I’m a Kuzuryuu… I’m selfish too.” He knelt and grabbed Hajime by the collar, “You’re my friend. I won’t let you die. If it means lying to Nagito and Izuru, if it means forcing you to forget so you live… I will do it.”

He touched Hajime’s chest, where his lungs are, “And right now, unless you forget Nagito entirely, you’ll die within the month. It’s too far gone Hajime. You’ve known him for too long and this is too advanced.”

“I…” Hajime felt tears stream down his face, “I… I don’t want to forget him. Fuyuhiko I don’t want to forget Nagito… please… I… I love him.”

Kuzuryuu sucked in a breath and for a moment Hajime saw his eyes, stormy and dark, there were currents swirling, but underneath there was steel.

“Listen. Hajime. You’ll cause more pain dead. Nagito wants you happy and you can’t be happy if you’re dead. He’d understand.”

Why was it so logical? Why couldn’t Hajime find anything to say to Kuzuryuu? To get him to change his mind? His lungs burned and the constricting started again. He broke away from Kuzuryuu and threw up again, the flower black, the taste of dirt and blood coating his mouth.

“Listen… I’ll take responsibility for this. I’m selfishly wanting you alive.” Kuzuryuu firmly said, “I’ll destroy everything, I’ll support you… you know, I’ve been meaning to formally make you part of my Family… will you accept that? Be a part of the Kuzuryuu Clan? I promise I’ll support you forever. It’s the least I can do… for forcing you to live.”

“You…”

Hajime weakly lifted his head. He closed his eyes, saw Komaeda, saw his smile and his heart broke, shattering to pieces. His blood pumped, but what Kuzuryuu was forcing was… for this to go away… for Komaeda to never be a part of his thoughts again. It hurt. It hurt him so much. The thought was poison, seeping slowly into Hajime’s bones, into his blood. Love and poison mixed together until they were inseparable. Loving Komaeda… was killing him and he was okay with that.

But Kuzuryuu wasn’t letting him. Wasn’t giving him a choice or any time to contemplate. So selfish. Like Hajime was.

“I… I…” Hajime sobbed, “I’ll never forgive you.” His words were bullets, piercing Kuzuryuu’s skin. He knew it by the exhale.

“I accept that. I accept your hate.” Kuzuryuu replied, “Peko is here with the water.”

She was? Hajime looked up. Pekoyama was standing in the boy’s room, completely calm, a glass of water in her hands. Hajime accepted it and drank it all. “Can I have a favour?” It was his last request.

“Anything.” Kuzuryuu breathed.

“Let me say good bye to Nagito and Izuru. Then I’ll… leave it in your hands.”

“Okay.” Kuzuryuu replied, “Done.”

“I got some touch up to hide the redness in your skin.” Pekoyama said smoothly, “Take all the time you need.”

Right. Hajime felt numb, the constricting cold and strong. Tears silently streamed down his face, but he couldn’t cry forever. He had to… fake it one last time.

It was okay.

~

Forcing himself out of the bathroom, Hajime woodenly walked over to Komaeda and Kamukura. People surrounded them, all congratulating. Their cheeks were a bit pink from the excitement and drinks. Hajime paused and soaked up the sight. This was… the last time he’d remember Komaeda… his heart ached and burned. Tears filled his heart, but not his face. After Pekoyama did such a good job… he had to fake it.

Walking over he nearly stopped when Komaeda spotted him, waving brightly, “Hajime! There you are! Your speech was great! Thank you.”

“No problem.” Hajime softly said, “Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Kamukura smiled softly. “You were such a great help.”

“Yeah, you were such a great help!” Komaeda laughed brightly, “My best friend! I cannot believe you’re here to celebrate with me. I’m so happy!”

That drove a stake deeply into Hajime’s body, like a spear was dropped into his stomach. “It’s… no problem.”

Komaeda stood up and kissed Kamukura lightly before bouncing over, “Hey, come on, let’s go!”

“Go?” Hajime’s heart leapt a bit, “Where?”

“To the dance floor silly!” Komaeda tugged on him, “I need a dance with my best friend.”

Oh crap. Hajime flushed and his could taste the dirt on his tongue for the millionth time. “Uh… it’s fine…”

“Hajime!” Komaeda pouted, “It’s my wedding. I demand a dance from my best friend. Come on we can be terrible together, just like in high school!”

He tugged Hajime to the dance floor and wrapped his arms around Hajime’s waist, so they were more swaying then properly dancing. Hajime couldn’t move. He could feel the warmth against him as Komaeda and him moved to their own beat. The song was a faster tempo, but they were slow.

This was the last time he’d remember this. Hajime’s stomach dropped. He closed his eyes. No… he had to savour this… let it be the last thing Komaeda remembered him by.

“You’re just as bad as high school.” Hajime pointed out.

“Oh, shut up!” Komaeda poked his side, “You aren’t better either. Only Izuru is good. He did all the work earlier.”

“You can practice later.” Hajime blurted out.

“I… I suppose I can.” Komaeda blinked, “Maybe you can join us? Izuru can give both of us pointers.”

Join them? Hajime couldn’t breathe. There wouldn’t be a next time for them. He smiled instead, “Maybe… though having two useless students might be too much for him.”

“I’m sure he could handle it.” Komaeda insisted, “And then all of us could dance properly… and then you won’t have to worry if you get married.”

Married… Hajime tried to not think about it. Who would he love when he didn’t remember Komaeda? Would he be able to love someone as much as he did Komaeda? It felt impossible. He shoved the thought away.

The music ended and their swaying ended. Hajime couldn’t move. He didn’t want to let go of Komaeda… didn’t want to forget… but…

“Hey, mind if I cut in?”

Kamukura was there. Hajime was hit with reality. Komaeda was married. There wasn’t a second chance. Nothing was fair. No fairy tale ending. Forcing himself to let go of Komaeda, he stepped back, waiting for Kamukura to whisk Komaeda away.

Instead he grabbed Hajime, tugging him into his arms, properly holding him, hand around his waist, Hajime’s hand onto his shoulder. Smoothly he guided them away, dancing in time and properly to the music.

“Uh… wow…” Hajime giggled nervously, “You really are good… Nagito and I were saying how terrible we are…”

“I saw.” Kamukura truthfully said, but his words were warm and light, “Pointers are needed.”

“I don’t think you can handle two useless students.” Hajime said.

“I’m sure I could.” Kamukura replied, “I think Nagito would agree.”

He did. Hajime didn’t tell him. They danced and Kamukura softly hummed the tune. Hajime found himself moving along better, easing into it. Kamukura smiled and twirled them around.

“See? You got it.” He praised.

Hajime’s heart stopped. Kamukura looked so gentle, in his element as he danced. Suddenly Hajime could see what Komaeda saw in him… to love him. It made his heart constrict, but really… Kamukura was good. He loved Komaeda and Komaeda loved him back. That was all that mattered. Hajime… he had to exit the stage…

It hurt. The truth hurt him. There was no place in Komaeda’s life for him anymore… there couldn’t be… it was taken up by Kamukura. It was… fine… Hajime reminded himself. Kamukura would be there for Komaeda… hold him when he was sad… celebrate his successes… cheer him up… laugh with him, smile with him… and Hajime… wasn’t… ever.

He didn’t realize he was crying until Kamukura stopped their movement, touching his cheeks, “Hajime?”

“Sorry…” Hajime shook his head, “It’s been an emotional day is all… I’m so wiped.” He babbled, “I think it’s the stress…”

“I… see…” Kamukura pulled out a package of tissues, “From my mother. She thought I’d need them… but… here.”

“T-thanks.” Hajime accepted them, pulling a few out of the tiny package, blowing his nose, “Sorry… if you could excuse me…”

“Right.” Kamukura let go of him, “I’ll…” He blushed a bit, “I’ll let you clean yourself up…”

This was giving him a chance to exit…If he didn’t do it now he never would. Hajime shook his head, “Actually… I think I should go… I got to work on Monday… got so many reports to check.”

“Oh… I see.” Kamukura nodded, “Thank you again for helping. I’ll grab Nagito.”

This was it. Hajime bit his lip and waited, frozen in place. This would be the last time… he ever saw Komaeda… it burned inside of him. Of course, the option to push Kuzuryuu’s demand to the limit was there… but he wanted Hajime alive… a month was an estimate. Hajime… could die soon. There was no way Kuzuryuu would risk it.

Komaeda walked up, brow furrowed, “You have to leave?”

“Sorry… work.” Hajime numbly said, forcing the words through his lips, “I’ll… see you…” He lied. It hurt more than anything else. “So… good bye… Nagito… Izuru…”

Good bye… for good. Forever… Hajime’s heart was thudding harshly, pushing blood through a gaping hole in his chest. A hole Kuzuryuu had given him. This was it. He hadn’t even prepared himself for this. Hajime wished he had some more words to say, but he couldn’t do it. Taking one last long look at Komaeda, Hajime wished he could seer him into his heart and mind.

It was killing him, but he wanted to remember. If only for the moment.

“Good bye Hajime.” Komaeda took him into his arms, hugging him, “I’ll see you later.”

“Right.” Hajime let the black lie fall from his lips once more.

~

Hajime wanted to be surprised that Kuzuryuu had everything planned so quickly, but he couldn’t be. Instead all he could do was fiddle with the hospital gown, count down the seconds he had left to remember Komaeda. Pulling his phone out, Hajime stared at the picture. It was an old one, one he always transferred to his phone every time he upgraded it.

It was of him and Komaeda as kids, feet caked in mud, clothes messy, a fishing rod held between them as they proudly showed off the giant fish they had caught. Hajime remembered the day, remembered how they fell into the lake, off the dock from the force of the fish’s pull. He remembered his mother's expression before she started laughing. How would Hajime remember the day after this? He didn’t know.

“Hinata Hajime, we’re ready.” The nurse said.

Hajime stood up automatically. He looked over at Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama who were both standing solemnly behind glass. Hajime wished he could take back the words he said in the bathroom, about not forgiving Kuzuryuu. He… was in pain too. Giving a smile in their direction, Hajime hoped he conveyed his emotions before walking into the room. Soon… he wouldn’t remember Komaeda at all.

Silently he allowed himself to cry a little bit until he was put under.

~

**Part Two: The New Life – Nagito**

Everyone said marriage was a new step in life, a change in pace, but Nagito didn’t find that at all. Instead everything blended together into a mirage of colour and ease. Kamukura always had slotted into his life perfectly, seamlessly. The ease of accepting him permanently into his life was invisible.

Nagito yawned and woke up to Kamukura lightly snuggling strongly against him. He smiled and stroked the long hair. It was rare for Kamukura to still be asleep, but Nagito supposed with the new interns in the hospital, it was bound to make him exhausted. Pressing a kiss to his brow, Nagito slipped out of bed and walked towards the kitchen, staring at the calendar.

Only two months had passed since their marriage, a truly blessed day. Nagito had photos from Koizumi all over, neatly put into albums. Some of them were begging to be put into picture frames, to sit on the mantle. Perhaps if Kamukura was up to it, they could go shopping for some frames, pick a few photos… Nagito smiled. He already knew which ones he wanted. There was a shot of Hinata when he was doing his speech. Koizumi framed the shot perfectly and it was one of his favourites.

Speaking of Hinata… he hadn’t heard from him since the wedding. Kuzuryuu had texted, saying he drove Hinata home, but other than that… nothing. Nagito bit his lip. The whirlwind of marriage had kept him busy, but not so busy he couldn’t have coffee with his best friend. Picking up his phone, Nagito sent a quick text message and began to make breakfast.

He was almost done when his phone chimed. Nagito picked it up and read the message.

 _“Sorry, I can’t. Work is so busy.”_ – Hajime

Oh. Nagito checked his calendar. Next week was full for them. He sighed. Coffee would have to wait.

 _“That’s okay. I’m busy next week, so we’ll plan it another time.”_ – Nagito

Setting his phone down, Nagito finished breakfast and carried it to the bedroom. Kamukura was already awake. Smiling Nagito walked in and kissed him lightly.

“Good morning Izuru. I made breakfast.”

“Thanks, Nagito.” He yawned, “Smells good.”

“Are you up to shop today?” Nagito asked, “I want to buy some frames.”

“For the pictures Mahiru gave us.” Kamukura concluded, “Sure, it is a date.”

A date… Nagito smiled and blushed. “Yes, a date.”

~

The week passed, work piling up, documents asked to be translated… Nagito did his best, but every evening he would flop down exhausted, wondering why he decided to work in a legal company in the translating department. True, he could often work from home, but it didn’t change the fact he was working and tired at the end of the day.

Kamukura was busy too, though they still found time to sit together and eat at the end of their days, snuggle, and sometimes share intimate moments. Nagito savoured it all, his heart fluttering every time. Kamukura wasn’t the most demonstrative person in public, but he was tender always.

Lying in bed, curled in his arms, Nagito stared at the ceiling. Work was slowing down and being cooped up at home was tiring. Kamukura also had a break coming up, doing a two-week rotation on and off. Perhaps now… coffee could happen.

“Hey, you’re free tomorrow, right?” Nagito asked.

“Yes, I am.” Kamukura answered, “Coffee with Hajime?”

“How did you know?” Nagito laughed lightly, “It’s just… it’s been ages since I saw him…”

“I still have to teach you two how to dance properly.” Kamukura reminded him.

“Well not in the café.” Nagito poked him, “Hey pass my phone please? I’ll text him before I fall asleep on you.”

Kamukura did as he asked. Nagito easily located Hajime and sent a text, setting his phone beside him, waiting for the screen to light up with a response. No response came and Nagito waited and waited until he fell asleep waiting.

~

When he woke up to no response, Nagito frowned. It wasn’t like Hinata to not answer right away. He was also an early riser, so he had to have seen the message, right? Tapping his fingers against the table, Nagito sent another text message. Did the message somehow not get sent to him? Perhaps his phone somehow deleted it?

The morning passed before he got a reply. Nagito scrambled to the phone, checking the message.

 _“Sorry. Busy.”_ – Hajime

What? Nagito stared. It was so… curt… so unlike him. Was he stressed again? Perhaps his work? That had to be it. Nagito bit his lip before brightening up. He could visit him. Sure, it would be unannounced, but knowing Hinata, he was cooped up at home or the office stressing about his Grad work and reports.

“Anything from Hajime?” Kamukura asked as he walked into the kitchen.

“He says he’s busy… but I think that’s code for cooped up. Let’s go visit.” Nagito replied.

“Okay.” Kamukura agreed, “We can bring some of the baking we got… still…”

Right. Nagito nodded, “I vote cookies. They’re taking up so much space in the fridge.”

Kamukura got the container of cookies out of the fridge and started to put them onto a plate. Nagito bustled over to grab his keys and wallet. Exiting their place, Nagito went to his car, making sure Kamukura was holding the plate tightly, before driving the familiar route to Hinata’s apartment complex.

Parking in the visitor parking, Nagito walked up the side stairs to the fifth floor, locating the unit number. Ringing the bell, he waited, listening to a ruffling behind the door. The door opened and Nagito opened his mouth to greet Hinata, but stopped.

The person answering was not Hinata. He was thin, almost painfully so with dark eyes and pale brown hair. Nagito blinked and the person behind the door blinked. Did Hinata have company? Nagito frowned. That couldn’t be it… unless Hinata lied about being busy…?

Oh wait… Nagito blushed. Busy didn’t mean work… oh no… had he interrupted something? Was Hinata perhaps… indecent? The thought made something tinge inside Nagito’s heart, with what he wasn’t sure.

“Hello?” The other asked.

“Ah I’m so sorry… I was looking for Hajime, but if you two are busy…” Nagito started to ramble.

“Hajime?” The other cut him off, “Who?”

Nagito froze, the words dying from his lips. “Uh… Hinata Hajime? He lives here?”

“No?” The other asked before his eyes lit up, “Oh, you mean the previous owner? Sorry he moved before I came and I never met him. I did everything with the land lord…”

Wait. Moved? Hinata? Since… when? Nagito stared. Hinata had never mentioned moving… or the desire to… was it sudden? Did he run into some troubles with rent or something? No… he got a good wage working as a hired Grad Student…

“I’m sorry.” The boy continued, “I’m Mitarai Ryouta and I just moved here about two months ago… I’m sorry if you were looking for someone else… I don’t have any information where the previous owner is…”

Mitarai had pink cheeks, and he fiddled with his shirt, “I’m sorry!”

“No, it’s fine.” Kamukura took over, “We were just unware of the change. Sorry to bother you. Good day.”

Nagito felt himself get pulled away by Kamukura, down the stairs, until they reached the car. Seeing his car snapped Nagito out of his stupor. Pulling his phone out, he glared at the screen How could Hinata not tell him he moved? But judging from the way Mitarai had talked… it had been a while… so why?

“You’ll glare a hole into your phone.” Kamukura gently said.

“Sorry.” Nagito snapped lightly, “I just… why didn’t Hajime tell us?”

“I don’t know.” Kamukura’s voice was even. “Why don’t you phone him?”

“Yeah… I’ll do that…”

Nagito dialed the number and waited, feeling each ring drill a hole of uncertainty into his heart. When the call dropped with no answering machine at the end, Nagito stared at the screen, watching the image of Hinata blink before the screen returned to normal.

“No answer?” Kamukura stated more than asked, “Perhaps he’s at the office?”

“Then let’s go there.” Nagito muttered, unlocking his car with more force than necessary. “I need to talk to him.”

Kamukura didn’t object and got inside. Nagito drove a bit faster than usual, his foot heavier on the gas as he drove to the University. Parking he walked over to the building Hinata worked in. If he remembered correctly, he worked for a man named Munakata… Stepping inside he checked the registry.

“Can I help you?” A woman asked.

Nagito looked at her. She had long hair and a bright smile, “Yes. I’m looking for Hinata Hajime.”

“Hinata-san?” She paused, “Unfortunately he transferred out. A couple months ago.”

What? Nagito gaped and felt something stir inside of him. Something was wrong… what had happened? Suddenly his world was titled on it’s axis. “He what? Where is he now?”

“Transferred… I’m sorry…” She bit her lip, “I can’t say because of confidentiality…”

Right. Of course. Nagito exhaled. He wouldn’t take this out on her. “It’s fine. Sorry to bother you.”

Storming out of the building Nagito pulled his phone out. The two text messages from Hinata stared at him, only making him angrier. What was going on? Why was he suddenly learning things now?

Something was wrong. The thought hit him harshly, making him stop. Something had happened to Hinata and Nagito wasn’t going to sit still and wait for his best friend to get to him. He’d have to do it himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grad Student: At my university it is common for Grad Students to be hired by a professor to help out with research or tasks. One of my friends did that for many years and loved it. Basically that's what Hinata is doing.
> 
> Pizza: It appears again! Guess I still got Moving in my mind...
> 
> Anchovies: I got nothing against anchovies.... but they aren't my favourite. Sorry to everyone who likes them.
> 
> Kuzuryuu: I hope he doesn't come off as terrible, but I like to think he cares so much that he'll deal with basically making the choice for Hajime because he is selfish and wants his friend alive.


	2. Now, What Will You Do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And of course I decide two chapters aren't enough... and I got to stretch it to three... 
> 
> I decided that because there are more scenes I want to develop things and I don't want to rush them, so an extra chapter felt needed. I cannot believe I've been writing this so quickly... I suppose when I don't have a million scenes and things to remember it really helps me write, huh? I promised myself after this I'll go back to writing the next bit of Waking, so stay tuned for that!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has left me kudos and comments. I know this update is really fast, but the support that came in such a short time really is wonderful. So, thank you again! It means so much to me.

**Interlude: Crafting the Lie, Keeping the Promise – Fuyuhiko**

The air in the hospital was stagnant with the smell of chemicals and anticipation, almost sweet under the pungent odor of the hospital. How Tsumiki could work in one, Fuyuhiko would likely never know. Not that he wanted to know.

Hospitals were necessary places for health and healing, but that view was slowly getting warped, like plastic left outside on a hot day. Fuyuhiko took his suit jacket off, folding it so the flower for the wedding was hidden. He didn’t want to see it, didn’t want the physical reminder of the memory already playing in his head. He could still see the dark flowers coming out of Hinata’s mouth, hear his desperate tone, see everything dancing on his face. How had they been so blind? How had Hinata managed to hide that for so long? It made Fuyuhiko’s heart ache and pound, driving a nail into his heart.

_He was a crappy friend. He didn’t see the pain Hinata was in until it was too late. He couldn’t protect him…_

No, not this time. This time, he’d protect Hinata, save his friend from his downward path into despair and heart break. Sure, Hinata said he’d hate him… or at least he said. The final look he gave made a small ray of hope shine in Fuyuhiko’s chest. Perhaps in the end he was forgiven. Either way, it didn’t matter. He promised to support Hinata and that was what he’d do.

Starting with the destruction of Komaeda and Kamukura in his life. Pulling his phone out, Fuyuhiko sent the appropriate messages: people to gather Hinata’s personal items, making sure to get rid of everything with Komaeda or Kamukura in it. Then to put his place up for rent, making sure to pay off any remaining bills…

Satisfied with the affirmative responses, Fuyuhiko pocketed his phone. Closing his eyes, Fuyuhiko also made a mental note to throw out all the ikebana around his place. It would be a waste; Pekoyama had worked hard at it, but she’d understand. She always did. It was what made her the best person at his side.

“Here.” Pekoyama returned with a cup of good coffee, not the kind they served in the hospital, “There was a place still open.” She said.

“You’re a life savior Peko.” Fuyuhiko accepted the cup, “Thank you. You didn’t have to go out.”

“Trust me I did it for my sake too.” She sat down, “The look of the coffee here… I didn’t want to risk it.”

Fuyuhiko cracked a small smile, “Right.” He sipped the coffee, “How much longer?”

“Probably another hour or so.” Pekoyama replied, “It’s… extensive work… also reworking some memories to fill in the gaps…”

Reworking memories was just a fancy way to say planting false ones. Fuyuhiko gripped the coffee tighter, felt a thin needle of guilt poke into his heart. He was the one facilitating and paying for this lie…

“You’re keeping a promise.” Pekoyama firmly said, probably reading his mind, “It’s… this will save Hajime. I think he understood in the end.”

“You think so?” Fuyuhiko mused, “I… like to tell myself that… but I wonder if I’m just trying to make myself feel better.” He sipped the coffee, “I suppose that is the price of being selfish.”

“It’s saving Hajime.” Pekoyama said, “Speaking of that though… we’ll have to tell the others.”

Right. Fuyuhiko was glad she gave him the coffee before reminding him. They couldn’t just craft the lie around Hinata without the rest involved. It was selfish of him to force everyone to lie along with him, but it was for Hinata. They’d understand.

“Right. I’ll text everyone, tell them we need to have a meeting.” Fuyuhiko sighed, “As soon as the surgery is done, we’ll go and sort everything else out.”

“Okay.” Pekoyama agreed, silently reaching over and curling her hand over his.

Her grip was cool and sturdy. Just what he needed in his partner for life. Fuyuhiko turned his palms and curled their hands together. Like always, they were together, facing all difficulties as a pair. It made the task he was going to undertake easier to swallow.

~

Everyone was gathered in his house, Souda yawning and grumbling. Saionji was grumbling along with Souda and although Koizumi wasn’t grumbling, she wasn’t radiating happiness either. Owari half asleep on Nidai as he easily moved her so she was comfortably leaning against him. Mioda was joining Owari, half asleep on Nidai’s other side. Only Sonia, Tanaka, and Tsumiki looked awake. Fuyuhiko sighed. This was as good as it was going to get.

“Okay before I start I want you to know this stays between us.”

“Uh yeah sure, but where are Nagito and Izuru?” Souda asked between a yawn, “Are we planning something else for them?” He lit up a bit.

“Sort of…” Fuyuhiko couldn’t lie, “But this… is very important. I realize I’m asking a lot from all of you but… it’s for Hajime’s health.”

“His health?” Sonia asked, eyes widening, “Did something happen to Hajime?”

This was it. Fuyuhiko felt Pekoyama move slightly beside him, a silent wall of support, “I found him yesterday during the wedding, in the bathroom… coughing up black flowers.”

That was all he needed to say. Suddenly Souda and Saionji lost their irritation. Koizumi’s eyes widened and she gripped Saionji’s hand. Owari and Mioda both woke up, suddenly alert. Tanaka let out a hiss and Sonia surprisingly swore swears Fuyuhiko had only heard because he was Yakuza.

“Then the bachelor’s party…” Sonia gasped out, “When he looked queasy in the limo…” Her brow furrowed, “That…” She swore again, “We told him we were always here for him…”

“Where is he now?” Koizumi took over, less Sonia start swearing again.

“Hospital. I… arranged the appointment…” Fuyuhiko replied, “It’s… done.”

“H-How long was t-that?” Tsumiki stammered.

“Last night. As soon as I whisked him away from the wedding.” Fuyuhiko answered her.

“S-So… h-he should r-recover w-within the next two d-days…” Tsumiki said more for everyone else’s sake than her own. “T-that means you w-want us to m-make sure he doesn’t relapse?”

Having Tsumiki say it in a medical way made everything easier, “Yes. That’s exactly what I’m asking. I’ve taken extra precautions. I’ve asked the hospital to let me take him home before he awakes up.”

“Dude… that’s illegal.” Souda stated.

Fuyuhiko stared at him, “… I think you forget what I do as a living…”

Everyone coughed except Pekoyama.

“You want us to create and uphold the illusion for Hajime so his mind doesn’t wander back into the abyss, yes?” Tanaka muttered, bridging the silence. “To be the source of illusion in his newly created reality.”

“Basically, you want us to lie to Hajime?” Mioda asked, “And lie to Nagito and Izuru too? For the rest of our lives?”

When he put it like that everyone stirred, looking down. Fuyuhiko rubbed his head. It was exactly as Souda put it. They were going to be liars, smiling and upholding a lie for everyone.

“That is a lot to ask of us.” Nidai pointed out kindly.

“Y-yes,” Tsumiki raised her hand like she was back in class, “B-but f-for Hajime’s h-health… if h-he relapses… s-sometimes the shock of r-remembering is e-enough to kill h-him immediately.”

Her words killed everyone else’s arguments. Fuyuhiko was glad he didn’t have to start debating or persuading. For Hinata’s health. For him to stay alive, the truth was something they all had to sacrifice.

“I am not arguing we don’t do this.” Sonia delicately put it, “I just… is this the only way we can support Hajime now? Lying? I-If only we saw his pain earlier…” She looked down.

Tanaka wrapped an arm around her, “Don’t fret the what ifs my Lady, they only bring heart ache. We must now move towards this future, even if our souls twist at the idea.”

“We know this is a lot to ask of everyone.” Pekoyama slowly spoke, “But… please… for Hajime… we have to. Can we trust everyone will do this?”

Slowly, almost as though a spell was cast over the room, everyone nodded, expressions dark and filled with hurt. Fuyuhiko felt all of it and cradled the pain. This was his responsibility, his job to carry the brunt of this decision. Perhaps it would ease everyone just a little bit.

“I cannot thank you enough.” Fuyuhiko bowed so low his forehead touched the ground, “I’m in your debt forever.”

~

**Part Two: The New Life – Hajime**

Hajime tugged on his tie and swirled his glass of wine. Why he let Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama talk him into attending one of their social functions was beyond him. Well, he knew part of the reason; he was formally part of the Family, even if it was only two months since he agreed, an appearance was necessary.

But why did it have to be so boring? Everyone was interested in him to a degree that made his spine crawl and skin ache. They were like vultures, or perhaps maggots, just waiting to feast on anything juicy. Perhaps he should have asked Sonia or Koizumi for pointers, for things to say that gave answers but didn’t hand them over on a silver platter. Too late now. He’d do that next time.

“I can feel your disappointment all the way across the room.” Kuzuryuu appeared beside him, “Do tone it down or everyone will notice.”

“Sorry…” Hajime drank his glass of wine carefully, “I’ll… try and enjoy this.”

“Good, because if I can pretend, you can too.” Kuzuryuu dryly said, “Look I know it’s because everyone is interested in you because you’re new, but it will go away.”

“Not soon enough though.” Hajime muttered, “I’d much rather be at home, sorting stuff out.”

“Sorting?” Kuzuryuu asked, “It’s been like two months. Are you still unboxing stuff?”

“What? No…” Hajime protested, “I just… keep moving things around… nothing feels like it’s in the right place.”

Kuzuryuu blinked, “I suppose that happens. When Natsumi first moved to her dorm for University she had the same problem.” He laughed, “Must run in the Family.”

“Family?” Hajime repeated, “But I’m not related to you…”

“Schematics.” Kuzuryuu flippantly replied, “You’ve known me for so long it might as well be a Family thing now.”

Hajime laughed, feeling a bit of ease for the first time that evening, “I suppose you’re right. I still can’t believe you didn’t stab me on the spot when I ruined your uniform.”

“It was a tempting idea.” Kuzuryuu laughed, “But accidents happen. I think Kazuichi was more afraid you would pass the blame to him.”

“A hit for the team.” Hajime grinned, “Like that one time we accidently got that order of green peppers on pizza. I swear Hiyoko’s rant is burned into my mind. That poor pizza guy… he was just doing his job.”

Kuzuryuu paused and for a moment Hajime saw something under his eyes, a current of something dark, but it vanished as quickly as Hajime thought he saw it.

“She just needs to expand her tastes in pizza a bit.” Kuzuryuu said.

Hajime laughed, “True, true.”

“Hey,” Pekoyama appeared silently beside them, “It’s almost time for your speech.”

Kuzuryuu moaned, “Ugh… the things I do around here…”

“Break a leg.” Hajime supplied helpfully.

“Thanks Hajime.” Kuzuryuu rolled his eyes.

~

Besides moving recently, Hajime had changed departments for his job. He wasn’t sure what caused him to want that, but something about being stuck in the same office all the time was a factor. He still worked with Munakata in research and thesis work, but in a different building, focusing on a different aspect to Munakata’s research. It was refreshing and sad at the same time. He had enjoyed Yukizome with her friendly chats and Sakakura, their grumpy head of security. There was a different air to his new office, one that felt removed from something. What that something was, Hajime wasn’t sure.

Tapping his pen on the paper, Hajime glanced out the window. There was nothing to do and he didn’t need to be in the office to work… this could be done at home. No one would visit or care much anyways. Hajime had met the person in charge once, exchanged the necessary pleasantries and then rarely saw them.

Packing his stuff up, Hajime slipped his bag over his shoulders and picked his work up, stuffing it into his bag. The day was still early and perhaps he could snag someone for lunch? Opening his contact list, Hajime scrolled down, fingers automatically stopping at the beginning of the K’s.

What? Hajime stared at Koizumi and Kuzuryuu’s names. Something filled him, a weight that proclaimed there should be more. A small voice nagged him, pressing the idea he was missing something.

No… that was ridiculous. Hajime rolled his eyes and pondered. Koizumi was probably busy with photography and he had just spent the night with Kuzuryuu at the boring social function. Scrolling down a bit more, he located Sonia’s name. He hadn’t seen her in a while, probably a good two months. Sending a text, Hajime headed out.

His phone buzzed before he exited the building. Checking his phone, Hajime saw Sonia’s positive response, suggesting a place and time. Agreeing, Hajime texted her back. The time she suggested gave him some time. The restaurant she guessed was by a shopping district. Perhaps he could do a bit of shopping before lunch?

Satisfied with the plan, Hajime walked to the train station and waited for his train. A quick wait and ride later, and he was in the district. Time to check a few places out before lunch.

~

**Part Three: Crumbling Layers for the Truth**

Izuru watched as Komaeda slowly slip into a frenzy to locate Hinata. He knew Komaeda didn’t mean to devote so much time, but the air around him slowly escalated into worry mixed with frustration.

At first, Komaeda had texted Kuzuryuu, but all he got was a generic answer, one laced with polite apologies. Apparently, he hadn’t seen Hinata since the wedding, being busy with sensitive Yakuza stuff (stuff that Izuru knew could equal bullet to head). Komaeda didn’t pursue that vein any time soon, throwing his phone on the couch with a huff. Izuru had wrapped his arm around Komaeda, rubbing his shoulders, hoping to ease some of the tension. It was a temporary fix and today was one of those days, ones where relaxing was out of the question.

Komaeda’s phone sat on the coffee table, Komaeda curled on the couch in front of it, poking his phone with his foot, watching it twirl on the table. Izuru held back a sigh and walked over, holding two cups of tea. At this rate, Komaeda would lose more sleep worrying over Hinata.

Of course, Izuru was worried, he was just… wary too. There was something about everything, about how suddenly no one knew where Hinata was, or how silent the texts got when Komaeda pushed. It made something inside of him twist and ache around the questions surrounding Hinata. The others… were hiding something. He was sure of it.

But the question remained why? Why would they lie? Was it something Hinata requested? It had to be... for everything to be so coordinated. However, that opened new questions, such as why would Hinata suddenly cut Komaeda out?

Izuru remembered when he first met Hinata, how excited and bouncy Komaeda was, chatting about his best friend, telling all the trouble they caused as kids. Meeting Hinata only helped Izuru understand why Komaeda cherished him so much. Hinata was kind, sweet, and never ceased to make others smile or help them. The void Hinata left was palpable, alive, throbbing in a bloody mess, one Izuru wanted to solve with Komaeda.

“Here.” Izuru held the tea out for Komaeda.

“Thanks, Izuru.” Komaeda accepted it.

It felt pointless to ask if he had heard anything, but silently suffering wasn’t good either. “Hear anything?”

“No… but it is still early in the day…” Komaeda sipped the tea, “I just… no proper answer from Hajime… for what months now? And everyone is being vague…” Komaeda frowned, “Do you think… they’re hiding something?”

Izuru bit his lip. “Perhaps. It is… an unfortunate possibility.”

Komaeda sipped his tea and poked his phone, “You didn’t hesitate…” He sucked in a breath.

“I’m sorry, but… with the vagueness and the lack of concern… it’s a possibility.”

“That’s a positive way to look at it.” Komaeda huffed, finishing his tea.

Izuru ignored the biting tone. The strain was filtering into the house. Both had nothing to do and if they stayed inside Komaeda would spend the day worried.

“Let’s go out for the afternoon.” He suggested, “Just… for a bit. To get our minds off this.”

“Off this?” Komaeda turned, frowning, “Do you mean I shouldn’t worry about my best friend?”

“No, I’m not saying that.” Izuru calmly replied, “I just mean sitting here worrying all day isn’t healthy or going to solve anything. Let’s take some time to relax. Maybe we can think up something new or someone will answer us. I’m worried about Hajime too.” He softly added.

Komaeda stared before his expression softened. “Sorry Izuru… you’re right. I’m just… why would they keep something from us?”

“I don’t know.” Izuru curled an arm around Komaeda, keeping his thoughts to himself. It was too early to draw conclusions.

~

Kamukura was right, they needed to get out. Nagito exhaled and enjoyed the sunshine, the heat of the day, as he curled his hand into Kamukura’s watching their rings glisten together. The worry over Hinata still burned in his mind, but it was mild, making him feel free. Temporarily, but a needed break.

The shops were bustling, not too busy, but getting decent business. Nagito stared. It had been a while since they went to this area of town. Ever since they finished University Nagito had less and less reasons to visit the campus, unless he was delivering translated documents. Some new shops had opened, one of them being a bookstore. Tugging on Kamukura’s sleeve, Nagito pointed it out.

“It’s new. Let’s go check.”

“Sure, but first, let’s look here?” Kamukura gestured to the shop they were standing beside. “I need a new wallet.”

Oh right. Nagito grinned, “Yeah it’s getting ragged.”

Stepping inside, they unlaced their hands, letting them explore the shop at their own pace. Kamukura immediately went to the wallet section, but Nagito check out the various bags, staring at a messenger one that was half off. Perhaps he should buy himself a bag? Pulling the one on sale down, he examined it. There were many pockets and it was well made. Nagito took the bag and walked over to Kamukura who was holding two wallets, comparing them.

“What do you think?” Nagito asked.

Kamukura looked over and at the bag, “Very durable, you need a new one.”

Nagito laughed, “Okay, then I’ll buy this.” He stared at the wallets, “I like this one.”

“Oh?” Kamukura held it closer.

“It doesn’t look like a brick.” Nagito continued.

“True… but the lack of card space…”

“As though you got a lot of cards.” Nagito pointed out.

“…Okay fine.” Kamukura took it before swiping the bag from Nagito’s hands.

“Hey!” Nagito trotted after him, “That’s not necessary…”

“Consider it a present.” Kamukura told him.

“I got a lot of presents.” Nagito argued, “Many from you already.”

“Well you can add this to the list.” Kamukura silenced him by pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Nagito blushed and rubbed the spot where Kamukura’s lips touched his skin, “Okay… fine…”

Smiling Kamukura went to the till, paying for the items, before walking back and slinging Nagito’s new bag around his shoulders, “I told her it felt a bit redundant to have a bag for a bag.”

Nagito adjusted the bag and laughed, “That’s true. Now, to the book store!”

~

Hajime walked in and was greeted with the smell of paper, ink, and leather. There was also a small section for home décor, with candles and pillows. The general area gave off a spicy smell, making the place smell overall pleasant. Walking around Hajime went up and down the isles, staring at some of the bestsellers, the featured items, and the staff picks. There was so much to see, so much to buy. Hajime walked over to the general fiction section and browsed. Kuzuryuu’s birthday was soon and a book was a good gift. Though what kind of book he liked, Hajime had to think.

He couldn’t remember Kuzuryuu being particularly interested in a specific kind of book or genre. Maybe he should ask Pekoyama? Pulling his phone out, Hajime texted her and then continued his search, selecting a few he thought sounded good. His phone chimed and Hajime checked. Apparently Kuzuryuu liked factual books… Hajime bit his lip and walked over to the section.

Browsing a bit, he came across a history of traditional arts and cultural things in Japan. Hajime smiled. It was perfect, even mentioning the Yakuza and the Family. Kuzuryuu would get a kick out of it. Heading to the till, Hajime quickly paid for the books and walked out, satisfied. He still had time before seeing Sonia. Where else did he want to go…?

“HAJIME!”

He nearly dropped his books at the sound of his name, or at least he hoped his name and not someone randomly screaming “start” in the middle of the street. That was always awkward. Turning around he spotted a couple, both tall and gorgeous, heading towards him. One had fluffy hair so light it was white and the other had dark hair, long and tied back. Something squeezed inside of Hajime’s chest very lightly before vanishing. He blinked. He… had never seen them before… at least he thought so…

“HAJIME!” The white haired one practically ran over.

Time to see what it was. Maybe they were classmates in University? Hajime hoped not. That was always awkward… he never remembered faces…

“Uh… yes can I…”

He didn’t get a word in the white-haired man flung himself at him, hugging him. Hajime nearly stumbled back, staring at the warmth latched to his chest. His hands clung to his shirt and Hajime could spot a wedding ring, gleaming in the light. Startled Hajime looked at the black-haired man and spotted the same ring on his finger.

Oh god… did this man think he somehow knew him? Would Hajime have to deal with a jealous lover or husband? It was too early in the day for this… all he wanted was to kill time before he had lunch with Sonia. At this rate, he’d end up assaulted.

“Uh… hello?” Hajime tried.

The white-haired man looked up and stepped back. Hajime felt his heart drop. His face was red with tears he was furiously scrubbing away.

“You… that’s all you have to say?” He asked, “I’ve been worried Hajime! You barely answered your phone and everyone was being so vague about you. Where have you been these two months?”

Every word fell from his mouth, like a dam bursting, swallowing Hajime up with pent up questions laced with emotions directed at him. Why him, Hajime wasn’t sure.

“And then you moved from your place and didn’t tell me, and changed your job, and…”

“Uh…” Hajime stared. How did this guy know that? Did it matter? Clearly… he had him mixed up with someone else… that was the only explanation. “Look, I’m sorry…”

“You better damn well be.” The other bit back.

“But… uh… who are you?”

~

Nagito couldn’t breathe as the question hit him with the subtly and grace of a sledge hammer. He gaped, staring at Hinata, waiting for him to laugh and say it was a joke. A cruel joke, but it was better than the alternative… the alternative that…

“W-what?” Nagito stepped back, into Kamukura, feeling his arms wrap around his shoulders, grounding him, “H-Hajime… this isn’t funny.”

“Funny?” Hinata’s eyes widened and he shook his head, flailing his hands a bit, “I… I’m serious… I’m… look I’m sorry sir… I think there has been a misunderstanding?” He stepped back too, rubbing his head, “You must have mistaken me for someone else.”

Mistaken? Him? His best friend? Nagito wanted to scream, find something to say to stop Hinata from pursuing this cruel, cruel joke… but he couldn’t find the words, or the energy.

“Hajime?” Kamukura asked, “We most certainly haven’t mistaken you…”

“Ah… then…” Hinata bit his lip, “We were classmates in University or something? Oh… umm this is awkward… I’m so sorry I’m terrible with names and faces…”

No… what was this? Nagito’s heart was locked in his throat, beating furiously against the bones, squeezed and squashed. Tears from the past two months dripped down his face, hot. Growling, Nagito rubbed them away, glaring at him.

“This isn’t funny Hajime!” Nagito’s voice suddenly rose, out of his control, “What kind of cruel joke are you playing on me? I was worried about you for two months and this is what you do?!”

Hinata stared before huffing, “I’m sorry? I’m not joking. I don’t know you. I’ve never met you in my life… you’ve obviously mistaken me for someone else.”

At this point a small group of people were staring at them. Nagito felt his face flush, but it didn’t cancel out the… barrel and turn of emotions rolling inside of him.

“I’m sorry again…” Hinata was backing away, “If you’ll excuse me…”

He was walking away. Nagito gasped and tried to move, but was stopped by Kamukura his hand warm and tight on Nagito’s shoulder. Nagito tried to shake it off, but instead he quivered under it, feeling his body shake, his heart slowly ripping into pieces.

“Let’s move out of the way…” Kamukura’s voice was soft.

Nagito numbly let himself be moved, away from the street, down until they reached the park at the end. Sitting on a bench, Nagito let Kamukura dry his face, hold onto him, familiar, close, safe. The day felt ruined, his new bag a meaningless trinket to the overwhelming ache in his heart.

“Nagito…” Kamukura’s voice was soft against his hair as he pulled him into a hug.

Falling into the familiar body, Nagito clung to him, feeling his chest heave as he cried tearlessly. Anger, sadness, confusion… it was a mix inside of him, a gooey swirl of something disgusting.

“I… what was that?” Nagito gasped out, “What the hell just happened?” His voice rose and he was glad Kamukura took him somewhere with no one else around.

“Apparently… Hajime doesn’t remember us.” Kamukura stated slowly. Nagito felt his arms tighten around him, “We need to see Fuyuhiko. Now.”

“Fuyuhiko?” Nagito clung to Kamukura, “You’re implying he knew about this.”

“It’s…” Kamukura flinched against Nagito, his body trembling. Suddenly Nagito could feel the uncertainty plaguing Kamukura too, the weight of his implication crushing them. “It’s a possibility. We need to see him in person.”

Unpleasant. Uncertain. Nagito didn’t want to think about it, think about how he had been lied to, but… there had to be a reason… even though he didn’t want to see it.

“Okay…” Nagito sucked in a deep breath and pulled away, “Let’s go now.”

~

After the incident on the street, Hajime immediately ducked into the restaurant Sonia had suggested. He was fifteen minutes early, but he didn’t care. At this point he’d do anything to get away from the stares he was receiving on the street.

What just happened? Who were those two people? Hajime tried to think, place their faces somewhere, but he got nothing. It had to be just a strange misunderstanding… right? Only the white-haired man… he sounded so sure… his voice so broken when Hajime kept denying knowing him… that couldn’t be faked, could it?

“Hello sir!” The waiter at the front said, “Table for how many?”

“For three.” Hajime said, just in case Sonia brought Tanaka with her, “The other two will arrive shortly.”

“Okay, follow me.”

He was lead to a table by the window. Sitting down, Hajime browsed the menu, grateful when his waiter returned with a glass of ice water. But the menu wasn’t enough to keep him from wondering what happened. Pulling his phone out, Hajime double checked his messages. The claim of messages sent to him was false. No strange text messages or phone calls anywhere.

“Hajime!” Sonia’s voice greeted him.

She and Tanaka walked in, immediately beelining to the table. Hajime pocked his phone and gave a weak smile, “Hey Sonia, Gundham. The strangest thing happened to me today.”

“Strange?” Tanaka asked, “Define strange Hajime. Did you feel a chill today? Or maybe the inklings of lower class demons trying to break your defenses? Never fear, for I have placed a protective spell around you!”

“Uh… nothing like that.” Hajime weakly said, “I just ran into two people who claimed to know me. One of them was very adamant about it.”

Sonia and Tanaka blinked before Tanaka laughed boisterously, “I see, I see, so that’s what happened Hajime! Very well there is a simple explanation for this! They are dimension travellers, who have met a parallel version of you! Naturally it’s the foolishness of those without the All-Seeing Eye to understand the complexities of parallel universes.”

 That… was his explanation? Hajime turned to Sonia, hoping she’d make sense of her boyfriend’s words.

“I think what Gundham is trying to say is… they thought they knew you… perhaps a long time ago and you’ve simply forgotten.”

There. A logical, reasonable solution to what happened. Hajime was in no position to have memories altered or changed. Even if he was the medical bills for it alone… He didn’t have that money. Also, he was pretty sure it was illegal to alter memories without telling him.

But… that was the only other option. If they claimed he knew them and he didn’t remember meeting them… what if his memories had been altered? Hajime froze and tried to think back, think to when something strange happened… but nothing… there was nothing strange.

Was he over thinking it? That had to be the answer… other wise… his memory was altered illegally and that would never happen.

“Sorry I was just over thinking.” Hajime picked up the menu.

“It’s fine. Hind-sight does that to us.” Sonia replied, “Anyways I’m starving, let’s order!”

~

Izuru drove, grateful he was the one to drive. Komaeda sat in the passenger’s seat, silent, staring at his phone. Gripping the wheel tighter, he focused, trying to not think of what happened, but it was impossible.

His heart jumped and lay flat, unmoving when he remembered. A cool sensation filled him, numbing everything. The way Hinata had just… denied Komaeda, denied knowing them. It was more than an act… and it was painful.

Izuru bit his lip. Hinata was originally Komaeda’s friend, his best friend, but he’d be lying if he said Hinata hadn’t endeared himself to him. The help for the wedding, the support, the speech he gave… it was all real, heart warming moments the three of them shared. So, why now? What happened?

No that wasn’t the right question. Izuru could figure it out, but he didn’t want to voice it. Voicing it made it real, and it was a truth he didn’t want to face. But he had to. He had to consider the question of why.

Why would Hinata make himself forget them? That was the only explanation. He forgot about them and it was voluntary. With the friends, they had (Kuzuryuu) there was little chance this was an accident.

Making his way to Kuzuryuu’s house, Izuru stopped the car and barely had the time to get out and lock it before Komaeda was already at the door to the large complex, ringing the bell multiple times. Izuru walked over and waited. When no one answered, Komaeda growled and pressed the button, yelling into the intercom.

“Fuyuhiko! If you’re here, I want to let you know I ran into Hajime today. You’ve been lying to me, haven’t you?!”

Nothing. Komaeda hissed and swore colourfully. Izuru blinked. He… didn’t expect that from Komaeda, but given the situation… perhaps it was fine… a bit overkill…

“Answer me!” Komaeda said into the intercom again, “Fuyuhiko, Peko, answer me!”

Nothing. Izuru walked slowly over and touched Komaeda’s shoulder, “Nagito…”

“Don’t tell me to calm down.” He snapped.

“I wasn’t going to.” Izuru replied, “But yelling at them isn’t going to work. What if they’re not home?”

“Then we’ll wait.” Komaeda said loudly, still holding the intercom button, “Until someone comes and give me a proper answer.”

Izuru wanted to tell him that most people couldn’t just wait blatantly outside a Yakuza house and remain living, but he didn’t have to. The door opened, revealing a disgruntled man in a suit. He looked at them and sighed, but extended his arm in as a welcome.

“The Young Master is waiting.”

“It’s about time.” Komaeda muttered.

They walked, Izuru trying to not stare at the beautiful interior. He had only been to Kuzuryuu’s place a few times, but clearly a few times was not enough to fully appreciate the layout. They passed by traditional gardens, koi fish ponds, and many rooms, before their guide stopped at a large set of rice paper doors.

Komaeda wasted no time opening them himself in a bold display of rudeness. Izuru sighed, but didn’t comment, walking in after giving a small nod to the man who lead them. Inside the room, Kuzuryuu sat with Pekoyama, a tray of tea at his elbow. Izuru was impressed. Whoever prepared the snacks was quick.

“I want answers.” Komaeda plopped down, folding his arms, “I saw Hajime today.”

“We know.” Kuzuryuu pinched the bridge of his nose.

No doubt it was from the intercom… Izuru sat down, “What happened? Why does he not remember us?”

“It’s a shame you ran into him,” Kuzuryuu underhandedly said, “But I suppose this was going to happen. Keeping a secret was a terrible idea I suppose.”

“So, you knew.” Komaeda glared. “I suppose those text messages I got weren’t from Hajime?”

“It was necessary.” Kuzuryuu barely flinched, “I was hoping if the messages died down you’d give up, but of course not.”

“What. Happened?” Komaeda repeated Izuru’s question.

“You won’t like it.” Pekoyama softly said, “But we did this for Hajime.”

For… Hinata? Izuru’s brow furrowed and for a moment, all the pieces were in front of him, laid out like a puzzle scattered across the table. His breath hitched and everything slowly formed a picture… everything was deliberate… meaning Hinata was willing… meaning…

Something rotten formed in his stomach, rancid and molding, rolling in the wave of guilt, that slowly swept over him. Izuru let out a small gasp and looked down, staring at the gleam of his ring. Suddenly the band looked tarnished, disgusting.

“Did you figure it out?” Kuzuryuu’s voice was soft, worn, “I promised Hajime, I said I’d protect him. I suppose in the end telling you the truth is protecting him too.”

No… Izuru’s legs twitched. He wanted to leave. A cold feeling filled him, making him feel detached, embarrassed to be frozen in place. He wanted to leave, suddenly feeling misplaced, like a china cup in a mug shop.

“But I am breaking a promise.” Kuzuryuu glared, “I hope, you understand, you’re taking responsibility for that and do as I ask.” He sucked in a breath and looked at Komaeda. “You were killing him, slowly. I saved him from death. So, I ask you don’t seek him out ever again.”

“I…” Komaeda’s eyes were wide, pupils blown. He stumbled forward, as though he was a puppet and the strings were cut with a knife of truth. He breathed ragged and sharp, “I… he…”

“It isn’t anyone’s fault.” Pekoyama smoothly cut in, though her voice wavered, “No one knew. Hajime hid it well. We only know because… we caught him in the bathroom.”

The bathroom… Hinata had been excusing himself often whenever they hung out…

“H-How long?” Komaeda’s voice was barely a whisper. Tears were streaming silently down his face.

Pekoyama and Kuzuryuu looked at each other, eyes slightly downcast. The lack of an answer… it was for the worse… Komaeda had to know and… Izuru knew… they shouldn’t push. The answer would rip the curtain of ignorance they had unknowingly wrapped themselves in. But… they had to know, because they couldn’t pretend. They couldn’t hide in a lie.

“P-Please, tell me!” Komaeda gasped out. “Just tell me, let me know how bad it got… how I nearly killed...”

No. How they nearly killed… Izuru felt a choked sob hit his throat and he did his best to not break down… crying wouldn’t fix anything… he felt wetness stain his face.

“… the flowers were black.” Pekoyama finally said.

Black. The end. Hinata had been at the end of the rope… hanging onto a breaking rope at the gates of death. And judging from their words… Hinata had accepted it… Accepted he would die with flowers suffocating him, choking him out on unrequited love.

“W-When… did you find him like that?” Komaeda pushed, voice dead.

There was no hesitation, no glance, no pause. Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama were holding the last knife, like it was a circus act and they were throwing daggers at a human target. Except this time, instead of aiming for the apple on top of the head, they were aiming for the heart.

“At your wedding banquet.”

A clean throw, right through the heart, cutting into the tender organ, rendering it useless, unable to pump blood, slowly bleeding inside, drowning them, taking away oxygen, compromising the circulatory system…

Izuru felt wanted the ground to disappear so he could fall through. He wanted the world to take a giant eraser, the ones for “big mistakes” and slowly erase him from the world, from Komaeda’s memory, from existence. If only he wasn’t around then maybe… maybe…

He curled into a ball and barely moved even when Pekoyama pushed some tea over. A choked sob, his or Komaeda’s, Izuru wasn’t sure, filled the room, unapologetically gross, but filled to the brim with apologies that would remain unspoken.

“We’re sorry.” Kuzuryuu softly said.

Sorry everyone had lied to them. Sorry they kept the truth from them. Sorry for the truth. Sorry that they were horrible people. Izuru played the banquet over and the aches in his chest grew. The filter he now had distorted the view, making every moment of planning, of smiles, ruined. Ruined because Komaeda’s best friend, someone Izuru was also happy to call a friend, had been suffering inside.

“It isn’t your fault.” Pekoyama seemed to read their minds. Or they were just transparent. It was the latter. “Hajime didn’t want you to know because he wanted you to be happy…”

“Happy?” Komaeda dully repeated, “Happy? How could he think this would make me happy? That he painfully watched us… remembered us long enough to celebrate our wedding… before running off and forgetting?!”

He looked up, face red, tears staining his cheeks, but a burning fire slowly smouldering and destroying everything in his eyes, “And you’re telling me… I can’t see him again? Just accept Hajime has forgotten me and move on?”

“That is the only option.” Kuzuryuu told him, “Mikan says the process could be reversed and the shock of remembering could kill him immediately.”

The cold, hard scientific fact smacked Izuru in the face. It was true… they couldn’t just race back to Hinata and make him remember… not respecting his wish to forget so he could live… there was nothing they could do… if they wanted Hinata to live they would have to leave him alone.

Izuru felt a stab in his heart. A small voice whispered in him, telling him he was at fault. Even though the voice was wrong, it wasn’t all his fault, it was still some of his fault and that was enough to make his heart spiral downward into a pool of despair.

~

**Part Four: Rushing Head First into Selfishness**

Nagito didn’t remember leaving Kuzuryuu’s house, or the drive home in Kuzuryuu’s limo. He barely remembered walking into his house. The familiar walls now felt like a box, trapping him inside. On the mantle was the picture of Hinata doing his speech at the wedding. Nagito let out a gross sob and grabbed the frame, lifting it up, ready to throw it against the wall. He wanted to hear the shatter and see the glass break into tiny pieces, spraying the room in sharp fragments.

But he couldn’t. Letting out a sob, Nagito set the frame down harshly and collapsed in front of the mantle, sobbing harshly, tears staining his cheeks. Everything hurt, nothing was in tact, all he could do was wheeze and sob in a pool of self pity, of realization slashed into his skin, in his mind.

He had nearly killed Hinata. His best friend. All the smiles… when did they become fake? When did his words become laced with dirt and flowers? What did Hinata think when he was doubled over on the cold ground vomiting up flowers? Did he hate him? Did he grow to loathe him?

Did he even mean all the things he said at the wedding?

“Nagito… come to the couch…” Kamukura’s voice was husky, rough.

“N-No…” Nagito wrapped his arms around his middle in a futile effort to keep himself from falling apart more, “J-Just… leave me alone…”

Kamukura softly sat down beside him, not touching, but still close enough for Nagito to sense him, reach out for him. It hurt. Kamukura staying hurt him, driving something into his body painfully. How… could he stay with him? Knowing how awful he was, how terrible he was?

Nagito sobbed, “J-just… I-I’m s-so…”

“You’re not awful.” Kamukura cut him off gently, “Hajime hid it well…”

“So that is the excuse I’ll wrap myself around with, huh?” Nagito forced himself to look. Kamukura looked pale and his eyes also red, but Nagito couldn’t help but spill the words out, “Hajime was a good actor and thus I can’t take responsibility for this?”

“No…” Kamukura started.

“Then what?!” Nagito gasped out, “I should just accept I, with my ignorance, nearly killed Hajime? I’ll never be able to talk to him again now! If only I saw… if only…” If only he could have…

“Could have helped him?” Kamukura softly said for him.

Nagito froze. Helping Hajime in that situation would have only had one solution… loving him back. Suddenly his words toppled to the ground, weighed by gravity, clattering loudly around them. Here he was, yelling at his husband that he should have saved his best friend from dying due to unrequited love.

His ring heavily weighed his left hand down, as if mocking him and reminding him of it’s existence. Kamukura stared, eyes wide, before he looked at his own hand, examining the ring. Nagito’s heart burst with a sudden fear. The fear he’d take the ring off…

Scrambling over, Nagito launched himself at Kamukura, crying as a small voice called him terrible, terrible that he wanted to keep Kamukura too. Was he selfish? Greedily clinging after implying to his husband he should have given his love to another man?

“I… I…” Nagito stammered, wishing the words weren’t drilling holes into his heart.

Kamukura wrapped his arms around him and Nagito couldn’t help it. He burst into another round of tears, clinging into Kamukura, crying uncontrollably. Kamukura gently led them to the couch, sprawling with Nagito laying on his lap, sobbing into his chest.

“It’s okay Nagito, I got you…” Kamukura’s voice broke a bit at the end.

It only made Nagito cry harder, whimpering into his chest, “I’m… I’m just… what do I do? Is this all there is? I must pick one? I can’t fix anything?”

Kamukura didn’t reply, only kept holding him and stroking his back. At some point, Nagito was certain Kamukura was crying too, tears dripping onto Nagito’s hair, but he wasn’t sure any more.

~

Komaeda fell asleep on him, face still wet and shining. Izuru’s shirt was soaked with both their tears, but that didn’t matter. Emotionally drained, Izuru carefully picked Komaeda up and walked to their bedroom. Komaeda was lighter than a male his height should be. Gently, Izuru set him onto the bed. Wiping his face so it was dry, Izuru threw the tissues out and made sure Komaeda was comfortable before walking to their bookshelf, pulling his medical books out, all the textbooks he kept over the years. When they were moving he had regretted keeping them, but now, he was glad. Moving back to the bed, he got comfortable, opening the first book.

There was some research to conduct.

~

Nagito woke up on their bed, Kamukura awake, looking at some textbooks. His throat was scratchy and face stiff. The memory of their meeting with both Hinata and Kuzuryuu smacked him in the mind, reminding him that maybe going back to sleep was the best option. But running away was not what Nagito wanted to do.

Well, he wasn’t sure what to do anymore. In a way he felt cheated, not just because everyone lied to him, but because this effectively ruined the high he was on with his wedding. Staring at his ring, Nagito fiddled with the band, twirling it smoothly around his finger. It was simple, plain but spoke a lot of things. But the things currently were bad. Nagito shut his eyes and tried to not see Hinata choking on flowers.

“You’re awake.” Kamukura’s fingers found his hair, massaging his scalp.

Nagito arched into the fingers, nuzzling his head with silent approval. “How long was I asleep?”

His voice sounded terrible. The sound of ice clinking in a glass alerted him. Kamukura held the glass close to him. Nagito gratefully sat up, loving that Kamukura didn’t stop fluffing his hair as he drank the entire glass in a single gulp.

Now that his throat wasn’t dying, Nagito looked at Kamukura. His hair was tied back and he looked tired, but… Nagito’s heart still fluttered, beat warmly at the sight of him. His words from earlier hit him. Setting the glass aside, Nagito curled into him, ear against his chest, listening to the heartbeat.

“Sorry I… I love you.” Nagito blurted out, unsure how to breach the topic. “I… just…”

“I love you too Nagito.” Kamukura replied, “I understand. We didn’t think we’d lose Hajime…”

Lose… it implied Hajime was once theirs, but now not. Nagito felt something flutter in his chest at the idea, but just briefly. The fact was cold and cruel, but it wasn’t Kuzuryuu’s fault or anyone’s fault for trying to keep them safe, from hiding the truth out of concern.

It was his fault. His fault for not realizing it sooner. Maybe… if Nagito had just… said something, done something to stop the love from growing inside of Hinata… maybe then he’d be in his life, not forever out of his reach.

“Yeah… lose…” Nagito muttered, “If it keeps him alive…”

That was what had to matter in the end, right? Hinata alive… not dead because of some flower disease… that was what had to matter. Nagito carefully scooped the idea up and planted it inside of him, chanting it, filling him with an off coloured hope.

_Hinata was alive. That was what mattered. That was what mattered. It had to be all that mattered now… right?_

Giving a shaky smile, Nagito leaned forward and kissed Kamukura tenderly. Their kiss soon became something deeper, pouring their sadness into actions. The books were knocked away as they pressed together tenderly, lovingly, enjoying a moment of connection.

~

Hajime wasn’t imagining it. He was sure that everyone was suddenly closer to him, asking to see him often. It started after the strange day with the couple walking up to him. Suddenly, Koizumi and Saionji were inviting him out to watch Saionji perform in local parks and centres. Then, Owari and Nidai woke him up and insisted he begin “training”. For what, Hajime had no idea, but suddenly he was running ten kilometers with them every morning. (Or attempting to… he could barely do two before needing a break. Somehow that didn’t deter their efforts at all.)

It had to be Sonia and Tanaka. They must have told everyone and somehow, accidently made the encounter sound worse than it had been. Now, somehow, one incident later everyone was blowing it out of proportion.

Idly, Hajime twirled his straw and stared at Souda, who, along with Mioda, Sonia, and Tanaka, had taken him out for brunch. It would have been nice, had it not been the third time this week someone invited him out.

“What did you tell them?” Hajime gave up being subtle.

“Eh?” Souda turned, “Tell what?”

“Ohhhh Ibuki told the staff to give you extra whipping cream on your pancakes. Sorry?”

“No, not that.” Hajime sighed, though that explained why his pancakes had more toppings than most restaurants usually gave, “Sonia, Gundham, did you tell everyone what happened with that couple?”

Sonia blinked, but Tanaka frowned, crossing his arms, “Do you think we are messengers? Harbingers of news for all?”

“Well explain why everyone suddenly wants to take me out places and hang out with me.” Hajime asked, “Not that I’m not appreciating it. It’s just sudden.”

“My Lady and I have not whispered a word about your strange encounter to a soul.” Tanaka firmly said.

Mioda nodded, “Sonia and Gundham told us nothing. Though now Ibuki is curious, what strangers?”

Hajime sighed. “Just… some people saw me on the street and thought I was someone else… or I met them before and don’t remember.”

“That happens.” Souda shrugged, “Once some person thought I was their ex. Had stuff thrown at me until they realized I was someone else.”

“Ibuki is never mistaken like that!” She proudly proclaimed, puffing out her chest.

The conversation derailed. Hajime sighed and picked up his glass of water, eyeing everyone. Was it true? Was this just a coincidence everyone wanted to hang out with him all the time? Though, maybe it was because summer was ending soon? Everyone wanted to get the last days with free holidays before fall and work picked up again?

Maybe that was it… Hajime set his glass down and ignored the nagging in his mind.

~

It hurt more than Nagito had anticipated to slowly remove Hinata from his life, from the daily reminders around him. But it had to be done… he had to accept this… couldn’t dwell on the past. So, he started small, knowing if he cut him out too soon it would hurt him more. Starting with the mantle piece photo, Nagito stared at the frame, at the picture. Tears formed in his eyes and he felt like he took a knife to his heart. He carefully picked the picture frame up.

The smart thing to do was destroy the picture, shred it in the machine kept in the office… but Nagito couldn’t… he wasn’t that strong. Instead he took the frame and hid it in his night table. Not a particularly secret place, but out of sight… out of mind as the saying went.

~

Izuru had poured over the textbooks, day in and day out. When he had breaks at the hospital, he read them. When the books gave nothing, he searched the Internet, at research sites they had access to… but very little was said, or it was all things he knew already. He had to hurry… had to find something. Izuru knew Komaeda was slowly giving up the idea of Hinata. After he got out of bed that day, Izuru saw the mantle piece missing the picture frame. The sight spiked something inside him, something slick and oily with a thin watery flow to it. Izuru wasn’t sure what it was, but he immediately grabbed their wedding albums and stored them on the top shelf to the closet. Komaeda hadn’t noticed and Izuru hoped to keep it that way for a bit.

“You’ve been busy.”

Izuru looked up. One of their senior surgeons and his boss stood in the doorway. His hair was streaked with grey, giving a salt and pepper look. Izuru set his tablet down and nodded.

“I’ve just been researching, Yamabe-san.”

“Oh?” He asked before walking in and sitting down, picking the tablet up, “Hanahaki Disease?” He sighed, “Such a cruel illness, very little treatment.”

This… maybe this was good. Izuru nodded, “We can only treat it with removing the memories, sir?”

Yamabe ran his fingers through his short hair, scratching a bit, “Yes, as far as I’m aware. It’s a question of how much we take. If it’s in the early stages, it’s easier… but near the end…”

“And they can’t see the person in question again, right?” Izuru confirmed rather than asked.

“I wouldn’t say that… but it’s risky. It’s like exposing a recovering lung cancer patient to people smoking. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll relapse, but it’s increasing certain factors for the disease to return.” He replied. “You’re interested in this, huh?”

“I…” Izuru paused… and quickly fiddled with the story, “Someone a friend knows had the disease. I realized I only knew basics and decided to read up on it… but it’s hard to come across information.”

“Interested huh?” Yamabe hummed, “Well lucky for you, I worked once with the lead researcher in the field, Gekkogahara Miaya-san. Perhaps you’d like her email? She’s a soft, shy person, so emailing her is the best way to talk to her.”

Izuru tried to not jump and hug Yamabe at the offer. “Yes, I’d like that.”

~

Izuru wasted no time, sending the email during his next break. He looked at the clock and wondered, how long would it take to get a reply?

~

The last days of summer were stretching out and the weather decided to be humid. Hajime groaned and regretted his choice to walk to the convenience store, rather than drive or take a bus. Perhaps exercising with Owari and Nidai was having a negative effect?

Entering the store was bliss, the cool air hitting his heated skin. Heading to the frozen section, Hajime grabbed some ice cream and a bottle of water. Paying for it, he was about to leave when the entrance opened and that black-haired stranger walked in. Hajime stared and froze, their eyes meeting. Something filled Hajime’s chest and he briefly wondered if his white-haired lover/husband was with him. Shaking the thought away, Hajime began to walk to the door, but was stopped.

“Could you wait a moment please?” The dark-haired stranger asked, “I’d… like to talk to you… if that’s okay?”

Hajime stared, a no on his lips, but that wasn’t what came out, “Sure. I… guess… but you’re not going to hurt me?”

“Hurt you?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Uh… your… significant other? He clung to me?” Hajime said and regretted bringing it up again.

“Oh. That… it’s fine.” Came the calm reply. “Just… let me buy my things?”

Hajime nodded and stayed frozen by the door as the black-haired boy moved quickly, picking up some drinks and snacks, before paying and walking towards him. Hajime stepped outside, opening his ice cream, eating it with the small spoon they gave him.

“So… uh…” Hajime didn’t know where to start.

“I’m Kamukura.” He introduced himself. “I just wanted to… apologize for earlier. Sorry.”

“That’s fine.” Hajime was glad it wasn’t ending in an argument. He didn’t want to cause a riff in someone’s relationship, “I was just startled. I’m Hinata Hajime.” He introduced himself out of habit. “Nice to meet you.”

“… Nice to meet you too.” Kamukura replied.

Now that they finished the basis for their conversation, Hajime wondered if he should go, but they were walking in the same direction… he couldn’t just be silent.

“So… uh… you live around here?” Hajime asked before wincing. What a personal and strange question. “I mean you didn’t drive here?”

“Yes, I drove but… I work at the hospital.” Kamukura replied.

Hajime perked up, “I got a friend who works as a nurse, name is Mikan.”

“Mikan…” Kamukura muttered, “Tsumiki Mikan?”

“Yes, that’s her!” Hajime nodded, “You know her? She works at the Central Hospital.”

“…we have conferences and workshops every so often.” Kamukura replied. “You start to see the same people.”

Oh, Hajime could understand that. He sometimes saw the same people in the research departments… though that had decreased since he moved away from Munakata’s main office. Maybe he’d go and visit later…

“Anyways… I’m going back to work.” Kamukura pointed, indicating he would go right. “You live around here?” He asked the same question back.

Hajime flushed, it was only fair he supposed… “Yeah… decided to walk. I regret it, but a couple of my friends got me into exercising and… I foolishly made this choice.”

Kamukura smiled and it radiated softly off his face, “Sounds exhausting, but fun. Have a good day… Hinata Hajime. Sorry again.”

“No problem.” Hajime took the opposite direction before realizing he never asked what Kamukura’s lover’s name was.

~

Luck? Or fate? Izuru stared at his convenience store bag before laughing lightly to himself. That was unexpected, but fruitful. Who knew a happy accident would occur? The email, the one Gekkogahara sent him flashed in his mind… how the real trigger was the person they loved. Izuru himself was a risk… but significantly lower than Komaeda.

Kuzuryuu’s warning flashed in his mind, the caution that having Hinata remember was deadly. Izuru had to be careful… but a small encounter turned out to be safe.

~

Nagito eyed Kamukura. There was something about him recently, an almost light air whenever he was in the room. It made Nagito feel relaxed and tense at the same time. Something was making him happy, but the mystery left Nagito guessing. It didn’t cause distrust, rather it felt innocent and tentative, like a newly born fawn.

“You’re staring.” Kamukura called out from the couch.

Nagito flushed, “Sorry… just…”

“You can come closer.” Kamukura muttered, “Sit with me?”

His heart leapt, filled with something Nagito hadn’t felt in a few days. The frame sat in the night stand, hot and burning silently in the back of his mind. Not seeing it had done nothing to make him forget it’s existence. But now, the offer to sit with Kamukura put his mind off it of it for a little bit. Walking over he sat down, curling against his side.

“What are you doing?” Nagito asked, peaking over, “An email?”

Kamukura nodded, “Just an email to a work collogue. Yamabe-san suggested it after a talk we had.”

“Oh, curious about something again?” Nagito smiled. “Well don’t let me get in the way of that.”

Snuggling to Kamukura, Nagito did his best to not read the email, but he couldn’t help but look over, only to freeze. The word “Hanahaki” stood out like a sore thumb. Nagito untangled himself from Kamukura and stared. Kamukura froze, his fingers over the keyboard.

“I… can explain.” He quickly said, “I was talking about the disease to Yamabe-san and…”

“And what?” Nagito’s heart slowly squeezed itself dry of blood, “You think we can do anything?” He shook his head, hating how the idea filled him with hope, something he hadn’t felt in a while, “We… can’t…”

The admittance hurt him, but it was the truth. As painful as it was. Why was Kamukura doing this? For his sake? Nagito felt his heart leap a little, but he crushed it as soon as the feeling welled up. False hope was just as bad as no hope.

“I… just…” Kamukura bit his lip, “I just… want to understand more about the illness… they say only being loved in return or forgetting are the ways to cure it…”

It was foolish, it was terrible, but Nagito latched onto the first part… the part about being loved in return. Something hot, white, and blistering burned inside his chest. He wanted to stuff it out, never think about it again. But the idea was so tempting, so perfect… Nagito felt a smile fill his face. The only obstacle was… Kamukura and… greed.

Would Kamukura say yes? Would it be all right? Could he be that selfish? That greedy? That he’d pull Hinata out of his safe zone just to have him again?

It was almost sad how easy the answers came to him.

“Nagito?” Kamukura asked hesitantly.

“I… got it.” Nagito breathed out, “All that’s holding Hajime back is me. He wasn’t the one who needed to change.” He laughed breathlessly, “It was me. I needed to change…no, we needed to change! I get it.”

He almost bounced off the couch, but Kamukura grabbed his arm, “Nagito?”

Brightly Nagito leaned closer and curled his hand into Kamukura’s hair, “I… realize this is a lot to ask of you, but… will you share me?”

“Share… you?” Kamukura blinked, “You don’t mean…”

“Would you be able to… fall in love with Hajime with me?” Nagito asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SDR2 Cast: Sorry I didn't write everyone... notably Twogami, Nanami, and Hanamura... sorry... everyone...
> 
> Bowing: In Japan bowing is very polite and necessary, but extremely low bows are very, very polite. Touching you head to the ground is basically grovelling for forgiveness. You have had to do something very bad to someone to have that level of bowing.
> 
> Start: The kanji to Hajime's name is the base for the word "start" or "beginning".
> 
> Intercom: Some Japanese houses have an intercom to their house so they can talk to the people who ring their bells. Yes, they exist and I've witnessed and have used them. So. Cool.
> 
> Wedding rings: In Japan they tend to be a white gold or platinum band with no stone. Not saying all wedding rings are like that, just all the ones I've seen are.
> 
> Ice Cream: If you buy ice cream at convenience stores, they give you a small spoon and it's so cute!


	3. Conclusions are the Hardest to Reach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM DONE. REJOICE. -throws confetti-
> 
> I am exhausted. This took way too long and I wrote way too much. I know it's long, but I didn't want to make any more, so please enjoy an extra long chapter. I got some scenes I'll write later as a side, but again, this is long enough as it is. I hope you all like it. 
> 
> It's super late here and I really should be in bed, so I'll do the end notes properly later... time for sleep...
> 
> Anyways thank you for all the support for this story. I know I went off track writing this with Moving/Waking needing to be finished, but now I'll get back to Waking tomorrow. Feel free to leave a kudos or a comment. They really make my day.

**Part Five: Choosing the Outcome**

The question hit Izuru’s mind and took a full minute to process it. Komaeda patiently sat, hand still tangled in his hair, leaning too close. His eyes were sparking, lit with the words he was holding onto, restraining himself from talking. Izuru swallowed thickly. His suggestion was… ideal, filled to the brim with Komaeda’s desires and wants.

But, was it what Izuru wanted? Was the solution that simple? They just fall in love with Hinata? Could he do that? Force himself to love someone? Go into an interaction with the intention to find romance? Was that how it went? Izuru didn’t know. He didn’t remember how it went with Komaeda. Everything just flowed, hitting points he never knew he was hitting until love was the only thing he felt towards him.

Would it be what Hinata wanted too? He had chosen to forget, to give up Komaeda’s love to save himself. Wasn’t it selfish to pull him back, force him to remember? What if it didn’t work? What if even after he remembered, Hinata didn’t want either of them? Or what if he only wanted Komaeda?

And…what was even driving this suggestion? Izuru narrowed his eyes, “You’re not suggesting this out of guilt? You’re not going to try and love Hajime just to have your best friend back, are you?”

Komaeda exhaled, closing his eyes. Izuru waited, wondering if Komaeda even knew the answer to that. Was it easy to separate guilt and desire? Did the emotions run hand in hand within Komaeda, mixing and confusing him? Was the guilt doing nothing but forcing him to think it was what he wanted?

“I… I don’t know.” Komaeda whispered softly, “But... it was like when I met you… I can’t place when I fell in love with you anymore.”

Him. Of course. Izuru closed his eyes. This all started because Komaeda met him. If Komaeda only knew Hinata then maybe, he’d be the one on this couch, Izuru not even a thought on his radar. Komaeda must have sensed his thoughts. His eyes widened and he shook his head, laying his head on Izuru’s shoulder, warm and solid against him.

“No… don’t think like that.” Komaeda whispered, “Don’t think removal is the answer to this solution. It’s what Hajime thought, right? He didn’t think it would be possible for all of us to be together equally. How do we know if we don’t give it a chance? Isn’t that why you started sending emails?”

Circles. Izuru was drawing circles in his mind. Komaeda was right. If he didn’t want this, why did he start researching and contacting Gekkogahara? If he truly didn’t want this it was too late to regret. The idea was planted firmly in Komaeda’s mind. Ideas were the hardest things to kill. Now, all they had to do was choose an outcome.

“It…” Izuru slowly spoke, “It can’t be that easy. We can’t just go into this hoping for the best. What if this damages Hinata more? Even if we get him to remember us…” He paused and shuddered, “If the love isn’t sincerely returned he’ll most likely die.”

The hand fell limply from his hair. Izuru wanted to reach out and grab it, but Komaeda leaned closer and pinned Izuru’s hands to his sides, curling his fingers over the palms.

“I can love Hajime back.” Komaeda slowly said. “He wants me.” Komaeda confidently continued, “Or… wanted me… the only one is… you.”

Komaeda pulled back a bit, and for the first time, Izuru saw empty fields, road signs leading astray, desperation as he ran through, trying to find his way. Slowly breathing out, Komaeda closed his eyes and Izuru saw him still walking, still seeking his way. He knew what he wanted despite it all, but Komaeda understood the consequences of a mistake.

 “But… we’d need to take this easy. Perhaps…” Izuru breathed out.

“You need to talk to him.” Komaeda calculated, “I’m a risk, right? So perhaps you should form a connection?” He paused, “What if… we make a bet?”

“A bet?” Izuru asked, “Is now really the time for…?”

“If you cannot form a connection with Hajime… I’ll drop this. Forever. I promise.”

Izuru blinked and felt a weight appear on his chest. He exhaled and stared at Komaeda. His face was blank, eyes slowly becoming marble like. “That’s… a lot of pressure on me. If I mess this up…”

“I’ll never blame you. I promise. I swear.” Komaeda continued, “So… please…”

His tone dropped. Komaeda had made his choice. Now, Izuru had to make one too. It felt like he was standing at the edge of a pool, the depth uncertain. Things would be lost, things would be gained. It all depended on how everything was played. Would Izuru sit out, or would he take a risk, wade in? He could always turn back, go to safety…

When he put it like that, the choice became easier. Turning his hands from under Komaeda’s, Izuru laced their fingers together.

 “No promises.” Izuru carefully said, “I’ll try.”

“Really?” Komaeda breathed out, eyes wide before he hugged Izuru.

~

They woke up the next morning to Koizumi at their door, arms crossed and a blush on her face. Saionji hovered in the back, while Sonia and Tanaka stood, holding Souda less he bolt. Owari and Nidai stood behind everyone firmly. Tsumiki looked like she was about to faint. All of them looked up, varying degrees of guilt dancing across their faces.

Izuru took a moment to take the image in, before he stepped back, “Well, come inside. I suppose if you want to spew apologies you can do it over a cup of coffee…”

“Thank you.” Sonia graciously stepped inside, “We hope you accept…”

Izuru shook his head and gently reached for her hands, “It’s fine… we… understand why you did it.”

“We still need to properly apologize. You need us to properly state our feelings.” Koizumi pointed out, “Only rude people don’t let someone properly apologize.”

Right. Izuru shut the door, “Nagito will be out in a moment, please make yourselves comfortable.”

They did, walking to the living room, sitting down. Despite their reason to come, Izuru felt a smile fill his face. It was nice to see their friends.

~

Hajime stepped into Kuzuryuu’s place and was almost tackled to the ground by Natsumi. She had grown tall, taller than Fuyuhiko. Hajime stumbled and immediately hugged her, twirling around a bit to stop the momentum and gravity on his body. He hadn’t seen her in a while, but he could see her hair was lighter from the sun, her cheeks a bit darker, the freckles a bit more prominent.

“Natsumi?” Hajime gasped out, “I… can’t breathe…”

She unwound her arms from his neck a bit, but didn’t let go, “You owe me like a thousand hugs. Why didn’t you visit me?”

“I didn’t even know where you went after the school year ended.” Hajime protested.

She let go of him and pouted, crossing her arms, “You didn’t even ask Fuyuhiko? No wait, he probably didn’t even think about telling you.” She flipped her hair over her shoulders, “But since you asked so nicely, I was travelling.”

“With who? Friends?” Hajime asked. “Classmates?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Natsumi rolled her eyes, “My classmates are well… classmates. Boring people.” She brightened up, “Did you know I won a bet with some of those meat-headed jocks? They thought they could show off and take some of us girls to the shooting range.” Natsumi batted her eyes when she said “girls”. “I showed them up!” She cackled.

Hajime laughed. “You utterly destroyed them.”

“Damn right I did!” Natsumi cheered, “They didn’t have a frickin’ clue how bad they were. But no, I was with Sato’s family.” She said with both a smile and a distained eye roll, “About as straight laced as a family can get but… I suppose they were all right.”

How romantic and cute. Hajime reached out and ruffled her hair, “Sato must have been excited to introduce you to her family.”

Natsumi pinkened and glared, “Of course she was. I mean, I’m a damn hot catch. Are you implying I’m not a good girlfriend?”

“No…” Hajime quickly said.

“I’m barely back for the last bit of summer and you already insult me.” Natsumi said dryly, “For that you’re buying me ice cream. It’s so fucking hot in the city.” She fanned herself with her hand.

“You’re staying?” Hajime raised an eyebrow, “But… school will start up soon…”

“Not my program.” Natsumi replied, “Well for me anyways. It’s a business course and if you passed your classes you’ll do some interning stuff and other management class stuff. But we all know I can’t do a class on the managing I’m expected to do.”

Right. Sometimes Hajime forgot he was friends (and sort of adopted into) a Yakuza Family. “It’s good to see you. Is Fuyuhiko here?”

“Yeah, he’s deciding to swelter in a suit for the sake of making small talk.” Natsumi pointed down the hall, “I did my appearance and talks before booking it out of there.”

“Should I wait then?” Hajime asked.

“Why? Do you have plans with my brother?”

Hajime shrugged, “I was in the area, thought I’d visit. No particular reason.”

“Well,” Natsumi pulled her phone out, “They should be wrapping up. Let’s go and save him and Peko from stuffy clothing.” She linked her arm in his and pulled him along.

Hajime flailed, “Are you sure? It’s a business meeting!”

“Fuyuhiko told me you finally accepted becoming a part of our Family. So, think of it like… walking into the family room or something.”

“B-But I’m sort of honorary.” Hajime protested.

“It counts.” Natsumi countered, “Sure we won’t ask you to do anything dangerous, but you need not feel embarrassed around here.”

That was very kind of her… Hajime opened his mouth to say, but Natsumi immediately turned and glowered at him, as though daring him to point it out. Hajime clamped his mouth shut and let her lead him to the room. Opening the door, they walked in. Hajime froze.

There wasn’t just Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama in the room. There were other members… legit members of the Family, ranging from stature, aura, gender… they all glanced over, Kuzuryuu’s eyes widening as Natsumi practically threw Hajime inside.

“…and that concludes our talk.” Kuzuryuu turned the attention back to him, “Dismissed.”

The others bowed and some began to leave, giving Hajime a few looks. A few he recognized as members who were around the complex often. They at least gave a nod of acknowledgement before leaving.

“Hajime?” Pekoyama was in front of him, “What a surprise.”

“Uh… hi sorry.” Hajime rubbed his head, “I was in the area and decided to say hello. I ran into Natsumi…”

“I’m right here.” She pouted, “Are you done with the meeting?”

“Yes, we are.” Kuzuryuu replied, tugging his tie off, “It’s so fucking hot.”

“Yeah that’s what I said.” Natsumi said, “So let’s go for ice cream. Hajime is buying.”

Buying… for all of them? Hajime turned his head, “Uh… I don’t think that’s part of the…”

Natsumi shot a look, “You’re buying.”

“Right.” He was shutting up now…

“You can’t just bully Hajime to buy us ice cream.” Pekoyama reasonably said.

“He insulted me so it’s part of his penance.” Natsumi replied, “You want Hajime to carry out his penance, right?”

“Insulted?” Kuzuryuu asked at the same time Pekoyama asked “Penance?”

“Right!” Who she was replying to, Hajime didn’t know, “So, let’s go!” She tugged on Kuzuryuu’s arm, “Also change out of that suit. I don’t want to be the girl whose brother faints from heat exhaustion.”

~

At least Natsumi picked a popular, but reasonable place. Hajime placed the bills on the counter and easily paid for their ice cream. Many people lingered around the doors and patio, but Natsumi snagged an indoor table and proclaimed AC was the gift they were not going to squander. She and Kuzuryuu were at the table, but Pekoyama offered to help him carry their orders over.

“So, how have things been?” Hajime asked.

“Busy,” Pekoyama answered, “Between meetings and practice I’ve had little down time.”

Practice? Hajime lit up, “You’re performing soon?”

“Yes, for a cultural fair in September.” Pekoyama smiled, “You’re invited, if you’re free.”

“Research can wait a day or afternoon.”

Hajime calculated, mentally thinking out his schedule. If he worked a bit harder he could pull ahead. Moving was an unexpected affair and it left some of his schedule behind, but he had mostly made up the lost time.

“Order number 48?”

“That’s us!” Hajime waved his ticket. “Thank you very much.”

They had two trays consisting of an elaborate sundae, a float, and two orders of double scooped ice cream in bowls. Hajime was thankful that Pekoyama was there to help him carry one over to their table. Natsumi spotted them and frowned.

“Am I the only one who did something extra?” She reached for her sundae.

“I’m more thirsty than hungry for ice cream.” Hajime defended himself.

“No not you,” Natsumi waved her hand, “Your order has a bit more effort.”

“Oh, shut up.” Kuzuryuu took his ice cream, “Thanks Hajime.”

“No problem.” Hajime was about to sit down, but he noted he forgot a straw. A long spoon sat in his float only. “I’ll be back…”

Walking over to the small island in the middle, with things like spoons and napkins, Hajime was reaching for a straw, when the door opened and that couple walked in. He stared. The dark-haired guy looked familiar…

Oh. It hit Hajime after a painful amount of time. It was probably the trauma of public embarrassment that helped him remember. How… was this happening? Sure, Kamukura seemed like a calm person, but what about his husband? The pair of them spotted him, gazes locking. Hajime flushed and was about to look away when Kamukura’s husband pulled him closer, whispering something to him. Their gazes darted subtly around the room. What was that about?

Hajime grabbed his straw, breaking their staring, but still watched them out of the corner of his eye. They were still at the door, Kamukura’s back half turned, as though they suddenly wanted to leave, but eventually Kamukura was dragged inside, to the counter.

Knowing he couldn’t stand at the island forever, Hajime walked back to the table. Natsumi was devouring her sundae and Pekoyama had already finished half of her ice cream. Kuzuryuu was texting, shoving his phone into his pocket as Hajime sat down.

“This is so good!” Natsumi praised, “Took you long enough though. I’m almost done and you’ve barely started. Your ice cream will melt at this rate.”

“Right.” Hajime stuck his straw into his float and pulled the spoon out, eating a bit of the vanilla ice cream. “I can’t believe I didn’t know about this place.”

“You need to get out more.” Natsumi waved her spoon at him, “You’re always holed up researching.”

That… was sort of true… Hajime sighed, “Well I guess… but moving was a bit toll too.”

“Moving?” Natsumi asked, brow furrowing, “Why? Was it rent? Did the land lord give you trouble? The land lord gave you trouble.” She concluded, “I’ll go beat them up.”

“No…” Hajime protested, “I suppose Fuyuhiko hasn’t told you yet, but I moved two months ago. It just… felt like I needed a different place.”

Natsumi blinked and looked at her brother and Pekoyama for a long moment. The air suddenly became heavy with something unspoken, before she shrugged and flicked a bit of ice cream at Kuzuryuu.

“Did you have a house warming party?” She asked.

“Uh…” Was that a requirement?

“Oh gosh… you’re so hopeless without me.” Natsumi sighed, “Well I’m back so you can have one.” She finished her sundae and stood up, “I’m getting something to drink. Want anything?”

“Sure.” Kuzuryuu stood up, “Peko?”

“Water please.”

The two of them left, giving Hajime the time to finally give his float attention. As he ate, he looked around the place for Kamukura and his husband, idly wondering if they stayed inside or not. It was a bit disappointing they didn’t come around to say hello, do formal introductions, but maybe one chance meeting at a convenience store meant nothing.

~

Somehow, they managed to find a table under some shade on the patio and Nagito couldn’t have been more grateful. But their silence and ice cream enjoyment was put on hold when Kuzuryuu walked up. Nagito wanted to say he was surprised, but that would be lying.

“It was a coincidence.” Nagito defended them before Kuzuryuu sat down, across from them, “Sorry. Isn’t sneaking out to see us more suspicious?”

“I’m not mad.” Kuzuryuu scratched his head, “I just… I wanted to see how you were… holding up.”

A bit of his walls collapsed around his heart and Nagito gave a small smile. “It’s… fine…”

“Bullshit.” Kuzuryuu cut, “It’s barely been a few days.” He looked down, “I wish… there was a way for you to see him…”

Nagito tired to not look at Kamukura, remember the plan they had created. It wouldn’t be good to tell. No doubt they’d be stopped. The realization hurt Nagito a bit, but he wasn’t going to put Kuzuryuu in that position. Kuzuryuu was obligated to Hinata, to keep him alive, but he was also their friend. Neutrality was a hard card to play.

“It’s…” Nagito couldn’t lie, “It hurts.”

Kuzuryuu winced at the words, looking down, “This is so… Hajime wouldn’t want this… a rift between us… you should be sitting together with us… not out here.”

The truth hurt him. Nagito could see it… talking with Natsumi, catching up on her life… smiling with Hajime, laughing with him… why did his brain taunt him?

“I’m… sorry.” Kuzuryuu broke the silence, “I’m… going back… less Hajime get suspicious…” He stood up.

Nagito didn’t say anything as Kuzuryuu excused himself.

~

Was it just Hajime, or did Kuzuryuu step back inside? He had finished his float and was idly swirling his straw. Natsumi had long finished her drink and had claimed Kuzuryuu went to the washroom, but Hajime swore, for a moment, Kuzuryuu had stepped outside.

But… he had imagined that… right?

“Hey, Earth to Hajime!” Natsumi poked his side. “Can I plan your house warming party?”

“House warming party?” Pekoyama asked, “I wasn’t aware you were having one Hajime.”

“He is now!” Natsumi chirped, “Just for us though… I don’t want some weirdos showing up… oh but Sato is coming!” Natsumi added, “I need someone normal to balance you guys out.”

“That sounds nice.” Hajime mused, “She can see Mahiru too. How long has it been?”

Natsumi scowled a bit, but didn’t comment. Instead she pulled her phone out, “I’m planning this, just leave everything to me!”

~

It felt wrong to basically try and stalk Hinata online, but Izuru knew he couldn’t keep going to the convenience store and hope another chance encounter would occur. So, during breaks he’d casually scroll around their friend’s social media outlets. Of course, Hinata was listed on their profiles. Hinata, even before all of this, rarely used social media, and the ones he did use were blocked for friends and family only. Izuru checked it, only to find the page not loading for him. It was probably Kuzuryuu’s doing, but it still hurt a bit.

The month had ended, and slowly the weather would get cooler. Time passed by and deep down he knew if this wasn’t happening, he and Komaeda would probably make a note about their three-month anniversary…

No, now was not the time for him to think like that. Opening the app on his tablet, Izuru scrolled down the regular news. Nothing had changed, just status updates. It did, however, remind him that they hadn’t seen their friends, besides Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama, since their wedding. Everyone was probably still avoiding them due to… what happened, but it wouldn’t hurt to see them, to let them know it really was fine.

His break was near it’s end. Izuru sighed and was about to shut his tablet off, when he spotted something on Natsumi’s file, a reply from a girl named Sato… Sato… wasn’t that Natsumi’s girlfriend? He clicked on her profile and was surprised to see it wasn’t privatized.

_“House warming party in two weeks! Good thing it’s by the Koichi shopping district! Driving into the city is a pain!”_

That… was near the hospital… exactly where Hinata let it slip when he said he walked to the convenience store… Izuru took a screenshot of the status and silently apologized to Sato, for basically using her to get to Hinata.

~

While it was great that Natsumi had taken such…. Interest in a house warming party… the stress was eating him up. Now that school was starting, his work returned to a tighter schedule and that meant less time to relax with the house party on the side.

So, with relish, he took the afternoon off to shop for groceries, eyeing any sales on things a party might want… pop… snacks… Hajime stockpiled it all and made a note to send the bill to Natsumi less she scolded him. Apparently, when she said plan, she meant she oversaw everything.

Carrying his groceries to his car, Hajime set them in the back and looked around. He didn’t have anything that could spoil. Perhaps he could walk around a bit before he went home and worked more.

Taking a walk, Hajime strolled, window shopping, aimlessly wandering around. He was about to cross the street, when he saw them. Kamukura was with his significant other, hands laced as they waited for the light. Both spotted him and Hajime froze. Did he say hello? After the ice cream parlour incident, he was unsure what was appropriate or not.

Too late to wonder more. They were crossing, Hajime frozen in place. Kamukura gave a small wave and answered Hajime’s silent question.

Hello Hinata.” Kamukura said.

“Uh… hello Kamukura.” Hajime gave a small smile.

“Sorry about when we saw you earlier.” Kamukura continued, “We saw you were with friends and didn’t want to bother you.”

Oh. That… made sense. Hajime felt a bit silly over thinking it. “Ah, that’s okay…” He turned to Kamukura’s lover… the one who had clung to him and claimed to know him. Hopefully… this interaction would be smoother, “Hello, I’m Hinata Hajime.”

“I know.” He blurted out, before blushing, “I mean… Izuru told me he ran into you…” He sucked in a breath, “I’m… Komaeda Nagito.”

Komaeda Nagito. Hajime was pleased to finally put a name to a face, “Pleased to meet you.”

Komaeda bit his lip, but nodded, “Same. Sorry about… earlier.” He winced, “I know Izuru apologized but…”

“It’s fine.” Hajime cut him off, giving a small smile, “Misunderstandings happen. So… out shopping?”

“Yes,” Komaeda replied eagerly, “Izuru finally has a break from the hospital.”

“I work shifts.” Kamukura confirmed, stepping to the side so they didn’t block the side walk. Hajime followed.

“Right!” Hajime nodded, “Mikan works those too… I can’t imagine work like that… I basically do what I want.”

“What do you do?” Komaeda asked.

“I’m a Grad student. I do research for a professor.”

Komaeda’s eyes widened and he smiled. It was warm and comfortable, “I also work independently, as a translator for a legal company. I sometimes do things for professors too.”

Oh wow. Hajime stared. They were so young, yet both so established. Or at least, Hajime assumed they were around his age. It was what he tended to do when meeting new people who could possibly be his age. Still… married and established at jobs? Hajime was still single and in school.

“Wow.” Hajime blinked, “I’m still a student. I feel young here.”

“You’re the same age.” Komaeda blurted out, before blushing, “I mean… I assume so?”

Did he just say what Hajime was thinking? Hajime smiled and laughed, “Sorry I was just… thinking the same thing.”

Komaeda was still blushing, but he was grinning, “Well I guess now we have to tell our ages and see if our assumptions are correct.”

“Right, that’s how it goes.” Hajime agreed with mirth. “Anyways… I shouldn’t keep you two from shopping.”

“Oh… it’s fine.” Kamukura shook his head, “We were just getting out of the house. Well more for Nagito’s sake… he has been cooped up.”

“I prefer the term working.” Komaeda corrected, “Translations won’t happen on their own. Dates can wait.” He firmly added.

Date… oh no… that was worse than shopping. Here Hajime was, interrupting a date… that was just… even if they were married, they probably just wanted to be polite…

“I’m sorry… that’s…”

“Ah I didn’t mean date like date date…” Komaeda suddenly scrambled, “You know like when you say date to mean an outing…” He paused, “I’m sorry I just… can I buy you coffee?” He blurted out.

Coffee? Where did this come from? Hajime stared but Komaeda continued to talk.

“As an apology for making a scene.” He elaborated, “Please… I felt bad after…”

His gaze was steady, though his cheeks were pink from the outburst. Hajime could see his eyes shining, silently asking him to say yes. It must mean a lot to him… Hajime couldn’t see a reason to say no beyond the awkwardness of having a stranger insist on paying something for him.

“Okay… if you want to…” He muttered.

“Excellent!” Komaeda said, “We were actually heading to a café, just down this street…”

Hajime nodded and let the couple walk ahead of him, leading him on. However, instead of walking a head, they matched paces, Komaeda moving from hand holding with Kamukura to linking their arms so they took up a bit less space. Seeing the contrast of them together was beautiful. Hajime wasn’t going to lie, the two of them were a striking couple, with Komaeda’s almost white hair and Kamukura’s dark hair. Now that he wasn’t being publicly embarrassed, Hajime had to admit, they seemed like a nice couple.

The café was cute, with many plants and tables. Sitting down, a waitress walked up to them, brightly smiling. The place was quiet and cool. A nice reprieve from the heat that still wrapped around the city.

“Is there anything I can get for you now?” Their waitress asked.

“Yes, I’d like a coffee, same with Izuru and…” He clamped his jaw, “Hinata?”

“Oh uh…” Hajime stared at the menu, deciding on coffee too, “Coffee as well. Also… what kind of muffins do you have?” He paused and flushed, “I mean…” He looked at Komaeda. Crap he was paying…

“It’s fine.” Komaeda waved his hand, “I figured… you might be hungry. Order what you like.”

The waitress listed their muffins off before Hajime chose one, “A blueberry one please.”

She left and Hajime could still feel his face burning, “Sorry… I…”

“It’s really okay.” Komaeda looked amused, a smile dancing on his lips, “This place has pretty good baking. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the muffin.”

“Really? Well I’ll see if you’re right.” Hajime said before looking at Kamukura, “So… if you two don’t mind me asking, you’re married?”

The corner of Kamukura’s mouth twitched and Komaeda’s eyes widened just a bit. Hajime felt silence slap him in the face, covering his question. Oh… no… what was he thinking? They had no reason to broadcast their relationship to him. What was wrong with him? Why did he ask that? Why did he feel that was appropriate?

“I’m sorry.” Hajime stammered, “I just… it’s none of my business, right? I… forget I even asked…”

“No… it’s fine.” Kamukura said almost methodically, “It was recent, so I suppose the question still has a bit of novelty to it.”

“Three months ago.” Komaeda gave a proper time frame.

They took it well, but that didn’t mean they were pleased with him. Hajime felt his heart sink. It was his turn to make a public spectacle, but this was contained between the three of them. Hajime wasn’t sure if that made it better.

Their waitress returned with their drinks and his muffin, giving them a sugar bowl and some creamers in case. Kamukura didn’t touch either, but Komaeda went for the sugar before pushing the bowl over to Hajime. Accepting the sugar, Hajime added some in and then a dash of cream.

“So… tell me more about your work?” Kamukura asked, “What is your thesis?”

That was easier to talk about… get away from the awkwardness Hajime had created.

~

Just hearing Hinata talk freely was great. Nagito tried to hide his smile behind his coffee mug, but he felt Kamukura elbow him slightly. Scoffing into the liquid, Nagito sipped it, trying to not stare. The few minor blunders earlier had faded hopefully forever. It was difficult to play ignorant, pretend he didn’t know what Hinata liked ordering, what he studied, what his thesis was… or when they got married.

Nagito could feel the weight of the ring on his hand, the echoes of Hinata’s question as he tried to make small talk. True, under normal circumstances, Nagito would probably try showing off his ring at any opportunity… but now he was almost disappointed Hinata saw them previously.

“… and sorry I’ve rambled a lot, haven’t I?” Hinata finished, reaching for his muffin.

“It’s fine.” Kamukura assured him, “Sounds a lot more interesting than some of the things we encounter on the daily.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Hinata broke his muffin in half absentmindedly, “Mikan has stories. I sometimes wonder how she manages it. I certainly couldn’t.”

“It’s… challenging.” Kamukura offered, “I try to focus on the positive side of my work though.”

Nagito hummed. Positive side huh? “Don’t let him fool you. Izuru has some stories too.”

Kamukura elbowed him again, “Yes, but it’s not very professional of me to disclose those to everyone Nagito.”

Hinata coughed, “Sorry I didn’t mean to imply I wanted to hear those…”

“No harm.” Kamukura shrugged, “Besides, my favourite stories are the ones after. With families relieved, people leaving healed and better. Those make my job.”

Nagito coughed this time into his mug, almost choking on the drink, “Corny.” He muttered.

“Hey…” Kamukura turned and frowned.

“It’s true.” Nagito teased, “You’re just being humble. But never mind Izuru’s cheesiness, how many more years of school do you have?” As if he needed to ask.

“Just… this year.” Hinata replied as he broke another piece of muffin, “Then out in the world.” He chewed thoughtfully.

Nagito wanted to ask what his plans were after school, but he already knew. Also, their coffee was turning into a boring talk, the ones parents had when they didn’t know what else to say to someone. Nagito bit his lip, trying to search for something… anything to get Hinata talking to them naturally… glancing around the place, Nagito’s gaze caught the menu, the ones advertising lunches and brunches…

“Hey Izuru,” Nagito slowly said, “I’m lazy tonight. Let’s order out.”

Kamukura turned and Nagito could feel his gaze on him, slightly questioning. They still had a decent chunk of food from their wedding in the fridge, only made worse by some kind grandmothers in the neighbourhood… they didn’t need to cook if they didn’t want to for a good three weeks. But Nagito carefully stepped on his foot, hoping to urge him to play along.

“Oh… okay Nagito.” Kamukura replied, “What are you thinking?”

“Pizza.” Nagito promptly said, “But I’m ordering this time.”

He must have caught on. Kamukura sighed and raised his hand, signalling the waitress over as he spoke, “It was one-time Nagito…”

Nagito turned to Hinata, who was politely eating his muffin, “I need your opinion. What is your stance on green peppers for pizza?”

Predictably, Hinata shrugged, “It’s fine? I mean… I don’t really care either way…”

Pouting dramatically, Nagito glared, “So you’re for the peppers, huh?”

Kamukura choked a laugh back, managing to thank their waitress with a steady tone before looking at Hinata, “Last time I ordered, Nagito gave me a breakdown of why green peppers on pizza are terrible. It was impressive.”

Hinata laughed, “I got a friend like that too… she went on a rant when our order got mixed up once…”

So that was how the memory adaptation worked huh? Nagito shut his eyes and remembered that day, how both he and Saionji went at it for an hour until Koizumi threatened to kick them out of the apartment until they shut up. It poked his chest a bit, but he pushed it away.

“Well your friend has it right.” Nagito stiffly said, “Peppers on pizza are the worse. So, I’m ordering tonight.” He finished.

“Whatever you say love…” Kamukura muttered. “You’re out numbered here.”

“Betrayed is more like it.” Nagito retorted.

“The great pepper debate, huh?” Hinata asked.

“It’s serious.” Nagito grinned, feeling his heart rise when he saw Hinata smiling back at him, “Good people were lost to the battles.”

“So, now it’s a battle?” Hinata raised an eyebrow, “Debate to a battle, jumped a few steps there.”

“A debate is never enough to end this conflict.” Nagito firmly said.

“Yes, yes,” Kamukura poked him and drained his coffee, “Anyways if you want to order pizza, I suggest we do it soon.”

Right. They couldn’t push hanging out with Hinata for too long… now, but they needed to find a way to contact Hinata again… Nagito tried to think. How could he do that without asking? Asking in this situation was weird; they barely knew him. Wiggling, Nagito felt the weight of his wallet in his pocket. He paused and an idea formed.

“I’m just going to pay.” Nagito said, “If you’ll excuse me.”

“Thanks, Nagito.” Kamukura immediately said.

“Ah, yes thank you Komaeda.” Hinata said.

Digging into his wallet, like he was looking for something, Nagito frowned and pulled some papers and bills out, “Hey, Izuru don’t we have one of those coffee stamp cards for this place too?”

“Uh…” Kamukura blinked, “Maybe?” He reached for his wallet.

Nagito set down the wad of paper in front of Hinata, making sure his business card was in there, and sighed, “Not here…”

“Not here either.” Kamukura shut his new wallet, “Sorry… maybe I threw it out with my old wallet?”

“It’s fine.” Nagito said, “I’ll go pay now.”

He left the wad of paper in front of Hinata, wondering if he’d look through it like he hoped he would. Knowing Hinata, he would in hopes of being helpful.

~

Hajime looked at the pile of paper Komaeda left in front of him. Did he look properly through it? Lightly he touched the pile and spotted a card between some receipts. Picking it up, he turned it around. Nope… it was just a business card for Komaeda. Hajime set it down, not wanting to appear rude.

“Ah, you can keep that if you like.” Kamukura suddenly said.

Hajime looked up, blushing. First the marriage question and now this… and he was hoping to not look strange… their conversation had started a bit stiff, but the pizza talk had brought things up. And now he did something strange again…

“I mean… more for Nagito’s sake.” Kamukura rubbed his head, “He’s always seeking work, even with a company to work for. Nagito likes being busy.”

Oh. That made sense. Hajime was on a campus and there were many people who needed stuff translated, like international students… he pocketed the card without a word. It was rude to not anyways. If he decided later to not keep the card… they wouldn’t know.

Komaeda appeared, stuffing his wallet into his pocket, “Okay, done. Thanks again for letting me buy you coffee… I’m still sorry for earlier.”

“It’s fine.” Hajime stood up, “Mistakes happen. Thank you for paying.”

Komaeda nodded and reached to grab Kamukura’s hand, lacing their fingers together, their bands gleaming. Hajime took another silent moment to admire the rings. Suddenly, a thought in the very back of his head echoed, asking him if he’d ever find someone like that, to want to marry.

Hajime held back a laugh. Where did that come from? He wasn’t even actively looking for dates. There was no one on his radar, or him on anyone else’s. Maybe that’s what happened when people hung out with couples… they started to question their status. Shaking his head, Hajime followed Kamukura and Komaeda out of the café, before they parted ways with quick good byes.

~

“That was a bit awkward.” Izuru sighed as they left, “You could have just given your card without the underhanded tactics. We still don’t know if he’ll keep it.”

“I know…” Komaeda muttered, “But what do I do? Ask Fuyuhiko? And I didn’t want to look too creepy by asking him… I’m a stranger to him now.”

That… Izuru curled his hand tighter around Komaeda’s as he looked down, “We’re playing a dangerous game. I should have been the only one here.”

“And make it look like you’re cheating on me?” Komaeda asked, “A married guy asking a single, stranger out for coffee? Someone would think that. Now if he sees you by yourself he won’t be as cautious.”

Izuru had to admit, it was true. Still… he tried to not look back at Hinata. They didn’t know what would happen if he remembered suddenly. Sure, research said that chance encounters and even short encounters weren’t bad. If the memories could be unlocked just like that, it wouldn’t be good. But strange things happened…

Pushing the negative thoughts away, Izuru kept walking, holding Komaeda’s hand the entire way.

~

Getting home, Hajime flipped the lights on and threw his keys into the small bowl by the door. Stepping out of his shoes, he groaned. The day was still hot and he was sticky from the walk and train ride back. Throwing his bag onto his bed, Hajime stared as his wallet tumbled out. The business card was inside there. Logically, he didn’t need to keep it. Their encounter was a chance one and the act of taking the card was polite.

He reached for his wallet, but froze. What if he needed it? Practically speaking, someone could need translating… it wasn’t hurting him to have the card. His hand fell limply to his side. Sighing he stuffed his wallet back into his bag and went to start the tub.

~

**Part Six: Everything has a Fallout**

Natsumi practically broke the door to his house when Hajime didn’t answer fast enough. He opened the door to find Souda on the ground, Natsumi glaring at him as he pulled a screwdriver from his pocket, whimpering. Hajime raised an eyebrow, but Souda scrambled up, eyes filled with tears as he launched himself at him, wrapping his arms around Hajime tightly.

“You saved me from being a criminal Hajime!”

“Don’t be melodramatic.” Natsumi sighed, “We wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“It’s the principle of the matter!” Souda protested.

“Whatever.” Natsumi rolled her eyes, “We got a party to set up.”

Set up? “It’s barely eleven… I thought this was an evening party…”

“Yes, and we’re running out of time as we speak.” Natsumi stepped inside, “Have you cleaned your place up? Found space for everyone? Enough drinks and room in your fridge? Oh, who am I kidding? You’re a single guy. I’ll call for an extra fridge.” She whipped her phone out, “Well? Don’t just stand there. GET MOVING.” She snapped.

Hajime fled with Souda in tow, heading to his kitchen first, opening the cabinets under the sink, pulling out cleaning supplies, handing rags to Souda. It was going to be a long morning… hopefully Natsumi didn’t expect them to do all the cleaning by themselves.

“I see you’ve started.” Natsumi hummed approval, “Well, let’s get started.” She rolled her sleeves up, “This place is going to be spotless!”

~

The party was in swing, everyone talking and laughing. Hajime’s place had never been so lively, but as he watched from his kitchen, a wave of loneliness hit him. The scene, for all the people, felt empty, like he was a few pieces short in a puzzle. Something was missing… something important… Hajime shook his head and continued to pour some drinks for everyone. He was being ridiculous. Everyone was here. Everyone he held dear to his heart.

Right?

~

The month passed and Izuru could see Komaeda deflating again. It was enough for him to accept all the runs to the convenience store for the staff, just to have time out, just in case he could accidently run into Hinata again. At first, everyone protested, but Izuru didn’t mind and somehow managed to convince them.

Slipping into the break room, Izuru changed, not wanting to go out in his work clothes, and walked out into the sunshine. The temperature was cooling down, but it was still a bit muggy. Walking the familiar path to the convenience store, Izuru stared at the leaves, some of them already turning yellow and orange. Maybe he’d convince Komaeda to go out and ask Koizumi to take some pictures of them together in the autumn… maybe it would cheer him up a little.

Stepping into the convenience store, Izuru quickly ran down the list of things everyone had requested, thankful it wasn’t too much. Heading to the till, he was paying when Hinata walked in, eyes wide as he spotted him. Izuru held back a laugh, their positions reversed from last time.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Izuru said as he gathered his things.

“Ah… yeah…” Hinata rubbed his head, “For your work?”

“Yes. I’m on break.” Izuru answered, “How are you?”

“I’m good.” Hinata replied before he moved around, grabbing things. “Just… Yukizome-san always wants something sweet and…Sorry she’s my supervisor’s…” He paused, “Friend? I’m honestly not sure. Pretty sure there is something going on with our security guard too.”

Yukizome… didn’t he meet her once? Back when he was still dating Komaeda and went to visit Hinata at his work… he couldn’t place a name to face, but the name sounded familiar. “Sounds exciting.”

“Sorry…” Hajime laughed, “I suppose you don’t want to hear my speculations about my supervisor…”

“No, no it’s fine.” Izuru assured him as Hajime paid. “Want to walk part of the way back again?”

“Sure.” As though that wasn’t what Izuru wanted.

They exited and walked down the street, darting into the shade when it felt appropriate. “So, how’s your work?” Hinata asked.

“Busy, but still enough time to research things.” Izuru absentmindedly replied before freezing.

“Research?” Hinata asked, “Writing a paper? Or just for fun? What are you researching?”

Crap. He… slipped up… Izuru hoped his voice wouldn’t waver, “Curiosity. I’ve always been like that. Studying is fun for me… strange as that sounds.” He hoped Hinata would drop the last question.

He didn’t. “Oh wow… so what is it you’re researching?” Hinata asked again.

He didn’t have to answer… he could be vague, but… the topic wasn’t taboo. And Hinata shouldn’t react to it at all. “Hanahaki Disease.”

Hinata blinked and stopped walking for a second, “Wow… that’s a sad disease. I mean there are many sad ones but… and for fun?”

When he said it like that it made Izuru sound like a depressing person, “I just want to understand the disease better. The treatments for it make everything feel very hopeless.”

“Well… I guess you’re right.” Hinata offered, “The only thing we can do is erase their memories, right?”

“Right.” Izuru answered. “It feels very extreme.”

“I dunno…” Hinata commented, “I mean… it saves their lives so I guess… sometimes extreme measures are needed?”

Hearing it from him made Izuru’s heart constrict. Hinata didn’t even know what he was saying… or how hard it was for him to hear.

“Though… I wouldn’t know.” Hinata laughed nervously, “How does that one saying go? Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?”

Something clicked in Izuru’s head. Hinata’s words suddenly feeling important. Loved and lost… a question formed, dark and dangerous, but suddenly changed his perspective. Why did Hinata not know he had his memories removed? Obviously, Kuzuryuu took care of Hinata after the procedure, hiding it from him.

But, that was illegal. He had just written it off as Kuzuryuu being Yakuza, but why would he do that? To protect Hinata from the truth? But… if Hinata wanted the procedure, why keep it secret? It was standard practice to inform the patient… but he didn’t know. Why?

The answer formed in his mind. Izuru nearly dropped his bag, staring at Hinata with something heavy filling his heart.

“Kamukura?” Hinata had stopped walking.

He couldn’t answer… did… Hinata never intend to get the procedure in the first place? Did… he… perhaps accept his fate? Sure, he still went to their wedding… but it was cutting so close… too close… and Kuzuryuu said he found Hinata in the bathroom, meaning he was hiding it… and if Kuzuryuu was keeping it secret from him…

A new wave of guilt, saturated and heavy filled his heart… Hinata was going to die… he wasn’t going to get his memories erased… Kuzuryuu forced him. It suddenly made sense why Kuzuryuu was so adamant in protecting Hinata. Guilt. They were all feeling guilt. It was running in the entire group…

“Sorry…” Izuru forced words out, “That’s rather poetic of you.” He wasn’t crying, was he?

“Ah sorry.” Hinata flushed, “I didn’t mean to imply they should die… I just… I guess it’s a hard thing to judge unless you’re in the situation.”

In the situation. How ironic. Izuru wanted to laugh, but his newfound realization was swimming in his brain. Thankfully, they were at the point to depart, just standing there with a new atmosphere of uncertainty.

“It’s fine.” Izuru managed to say, “I’ll get back to work… see you later?”

“Maybe?” Hinata asked, “Though running into each other in convenience stores isn’t the best way to meet…” He suddenly reached for his phone, “Is it… awkward to ask for your number? I feel we’re always running into each other…”

It was a small positive note in the sea of thoughts plaguing Izuru. He numbly nodded and let Hinata add him, all while planning a phone call to Kuzuryuu. He… had to know.

~

Hajime knew he said something wrong to Kamukura. There was something about his posture as he left, a slump in his shoulders. Something ate inside of him and he could easily pick the source. He had said something wrong when talking about Hanahaki Disease.

“Brilliant.” Hajime smacked his head, “He probably has dealt with many cases…”

That was logical. He worked at a hospital… clearly, he had seen people who didn’t… make it or perhaps relapsed from the disease. And here Hajime had basically suggested it was fine for people to… not make it.

An apology was in order. A proper one. Looking at his phone, Hajime vowed to text Kamukura later, once he finished visiting his old office. It had been at least three months and it would be rude to not bring gifts. Besides, it wasn’t as though he didn’t still work for Munakata… just their meetings were sparse now…

Catching the bus to the campus, Hajime quickly crafted a text message to send to Kamukura, making sure it sounded polite and apologetic enough, before sending it. Staring at his apology, Hajime considered also inviting him out for coffee to further cement the apology, but shot the idea down. Here he was, single, asking a married man out for coffee. Someone would think the wrong thing.

Stepping off at his stop, Hajime pocketed his phone and walked up the familiar stairs to Munakata’s office. He knocked, but no one answered. Frowning, Hajime waited before giving up, walking to the receptionist’s office.

“Hinata-san.” One of their receptionists said with wide eyes, “How lovely to see you.”

“Hello Takahashi-san.” Hajime waved, “I was wondering if Munakata-san was in?”

“Oh, I’m sorry he’s at a board meeting.” She flipped through a large planner, “I can tell you when he’s back? Or we can leave a message for him.”

“It’s okay.” Hajime shook his head, “I just wanted to say hello. I’ll stop by some other time. Thank you, Takahashi-san.”

“Okay then.” She closed her book. “Don’t be a stranger. Come visit us every so often, okay?”

“Okay.” Hajime agreed, “I’ll try. See you later.”

~

Izuru tried to focus on his work, but his brain kept pulling at the loose string, the realization planted firmly in his brain. How was he going to ask Kuzuryuu? He couldn’t just storm over to his place and demand answers to a baseless accusation. Besides, one rage filled trip to a friend’s house was more than enough for him. Also, mindlessly throwing suspicions could hurt him. If he was wrong, Izuru would be claiming him guilty of a terrible action. No, he had to be careful of what he said.

Shoving the thought away as best as he could, Izuru once again attempted to focus on his work. It… wasn’t as successful as he’d like to admit.

~

When his phone went off, Nagito barely glanced, shoving it to the side, focusing on the document he was supposed to be translating. He lasted about fifteen minutes working when he had to pause. What did that kanji mean again? Groaning, Nagito rolled back from his desk, grabbing his phone. If he didn’t know, he’d have to use his dictionary app.

The message was popped on the screen. Nagito stared. It was from an unknown number, but he could see the message underneath.

_“Uh… hello this is Hinata. I just wanted to know….”_

Nagito’s brain lost the rest of the message, his attention focused to the beginning. Hinata… had messaged him. A month had passed since their coffee, but suddenly he got a message? Nagito scrambled to read the rest, something about perhaps coffee and all three of them…

A smile stretched in his heart, warm, light. Nagito wanted to jump out of his chair and dance, but he didn’t. Instead he quickly texted Kamukura, fingers flying across the screen. The answer came a moment later.

 _“I see… well perhaps… only I should go.”_ – Izuru

Nagito’s heart sank a bit as he stared at the words. His high was destroyed, his stomach aching.

 _“What? Why? He invited both of us.”_ – Nagito

 _“You’re… a bit more of a risk…”_ – Izuru

 _“I’m sorry… you know what I mean.”_ – Izuru

Nagito exhaled softly, trying to push the pain in his heart. He had said that before, when he first came up with the idea to get closer to Hinata. It didn’t occur to him how much it would hurt to have to implement their plan… but Kamukura was right.

 _“Okay… fine. I understand. It’s just hard to remember.”_ – Nagito

 _“But you better tell me everything. Don’t leave anything out.”_ – Nagito

 _“Okay, I understand.”_ – Izuru

Turning his screen off, Nagito set his phone down, rubbing his face. The words still stung and Nagito wanted nothing more than to forget about his work, but he couldn’t With a long sigh, he returned to his translation.

~

Hajime shifted his bag and stared at the café. What was he doing? He had just invited two people he barely knew out for coffee all because he kept running into one at the convenience store. It was silly. He knew if he mentioned this to the others they’d all give skeptical responses. Kuzuryuu would probably demand a background check and Natsumi would conduct a separate one once she caught wind of it.

But… something about the run ins at the convenience store felt fated. Hajime couldn’t place why, but why did it matter in the end? If this friendship didn’t work out, it wasn’t the end of the world.

Wiping his hands on his pants, Hajime opened the door to the café. He spotted Kamukura, but not Komaeda, sitting at the table. Walking over, he sat across from him, setting his bag on the empty seat beside him.

“Hello Hinata.” Kamukura said as he finished a text, “Sorry Nagito can’t be here today. He suddenly got a ton of work to do.”

Oh. Hajime blinked and frowned a bit. Not that he minded, but he had invited both. Still, there wasn’t much they could do. “That’s fine. Have you been waiting long?”

“No.” Kamukura shook his head, “Just got here.” He set his phone aside, “The waitress told me their special is a peach smoothie and that sounds perfect right about now.”

“It does sound good.” Hajime agreed, “It’s gotten surprisingly hot recently.”

“And apparently will get a bit hotter this week.” Kamukura frowned, “But I suppose we should enjoy this while it lasts. Next thing we know we’ll be complaining about winter.”

“True.” Hajime laughed and rang the bell. “We’re never satisfied.”

The waitress came by, notepad in hand. Hajime quickly ordered, both him and Kamukura asking for a peach smoothie. As they ordered, Kamukura’s phone lit up again, and he quickly typed back.

“So, how is the thesis?” He asked as he finished the text.

“Busy… between researching and being asked to intern a few of Munakata-san’s classes… I’ve been busy.”

“Interning?” Kamukura asked.

“It starts next week.” Hajime answered, “Mainly helping him with marking and occasionally lecture material. It will be a new experience…”

Kamukura nodded, “Reminds me when I first started at the hospital. It was so overwhelming. Now it’s a comfortable routine.”

“Well I’m not in charge of anyone’s life so that’s a difference.” Hajime rubbed his head, “I don’t know if I could handle the responsibility… holding someone’s life in my hands.”

Something flashed across Kamukura’s eyes briefly. It was dark, but almost heavy with a silent sadness. Hajime snapped his jaw shut, but the look disappeared from his gaze. Kamukura let out a small chuckle and shook his head.

“I try to not think about it like that. Rather, I’m there to help and assist people.” He gave a small smile and was about to say something but his phone lit up. He huffed, “Sorry… someone isn’t focusing on his work and insists I update him.” He checked his phone, “Nagito says hello.”

Oh, that was what it was. Hajime held back a grin. “Tell him I say hello back.”

“Okay.” Kamukura typed the message out and stuffed his phone into his pocket. “Even when he can’t make it, Nagito still wants to know…”

“I think that’s rather sweet.” Hajime told him, “How long have you known each other?”

“We met in our first year of University.” Kamukura immediately replied, “We were both lost and ended up in the same basic humanities class everyone has to take. He kept stealing my pencils too… always forgot his…”

Hajime could surprisingly see it, an over stuffed room with tables and desks littered around a whiteboard, Komaeda leaning over to swipe pencils and stuffing them in his bag after… shy smiles, warm hands touching. It was cute. Hajime smiled.

“And not flirting at all, right?” Hajime teased.

Kamukura flushed a bit, “Maybe a little… I suppose… at the end. On Valentine’s Day, he sent a singing telegram to me when I was in another class and that was it.”

Another cute story. Hajime could see the blush staining Kamukura’s cheeks as he retold the story. Hajime could feel his heart twisting at the idea of someone sending him a gift like that. He couldn’t imagine anyone in his life like that. His heart twisted again, but this time it was something heavier, almost painful. Hajime stopped. What was it?

“Hinata?” Kamukura’s voice filtered in.

Hajime stared, whipping his head up. The waitress was back with their orders. He leaned back a bit and let her set the smoothies down. “Sorry… I was just thinking.” He grabbed his smoothie and sipped it. It was a perfect blend of peaches and a creamy taste.

The ache in his heart vanished.

~

Kamukura graciously let Hajime pay the bill, not arguing. It made his offer less awkward. Hajime understood the idea of someone not wanting to take advantage, but people need to know when to accept generosity. Refusing it was just as rude as continually accepting it. After grabbing his bag, Hajime walked out with Kamukura. As they pulled the door, a group of people walked in. Hajime tried to step back, get out of their way, but he tripped over his feet and fell.

Only for warm arms to catch him. Hajime’s face burned. What was this, a rom-com? Kamukura’s arm was around his shoulders, steady and strong, warm against him. Hajime slowly regained his balance, silently impressed that Kamukura caught him with a single arm.

“Uh thank you.” Hajime straightened his bag, “Sorry about that…”

“It’s fine.” Kamukura folded his arms, “I… I do social dancing. I’m used to catching people.”

Oh, that was interesting. Hajime couldn’t help but wonder how Kamukura looked dancing. Was he graceful? Was he so good that he could lead his partner and cover up their mistakes? A spike in his head pushed and Hajime winced. What was that? It disappeared a moment later.

“Wow,” Hajime tried to cover up his lapse into silence, “Do you dance often?”

“Not as much as I used to.” Kamukura shrugged, “Though I did promise Nagito I’d help him. He’s just as clumsy as you are.”

“Hey…” Hajime protested, “I’m not clumsy… I was okay in high school, when we did a week or so of social dance… just when it’s simple is all…” He lit up, “Perhaps you can give me pointers too? Along with Komaeda? That way I won’t feel as bad when I mess up.”

Kamukura’s eyes widened and the darkness in his eyes returned, swirling like a dancer’s ribbon. Hajime was captivated. In the moment, a curtain was pulled back slightly, allowing Hajime to get a glimpse. His heart twisted one more time. Hajime blinked and the curtain was back, everything in place.

“Sure…” Kamukura looked down a bit, “If that’s what you want… we can arrange a time. That way you can see Nagito again.”

~

Nagito practically tackled Kamukura the moment he heard the door open. His desk was a mess of papers and files, and he barely got half way done the document, but he didn’t care. Kamukura caught him, hands warmly against his hips, as steadied Nagito against him.

“How was it?” Nagito’s breath made a few stray hairs move, “How was Hajime?”

“It was good.” Kamukura replied, “But something interesting happened… he mentioned both of you getting dancing tips from me.”

Dancing tips… one of the last things Hinata had said to him before he… Nagito exhaled slowly and focused on the words. He had said the same thing, even though his memory was erased. That had to count towards some true feelings shining through, right?

“We’ll arrange that then.” Nagito said, “He can come over and we can dance here and it will be fun.”

“I thought you’d say that.” Kamukura hummed, “I got no objections.”

Nagito’s heart leapt and raced precariously around, skirting the edges of his mind. The idea of Hinata in his house again… occupying the space… wanting to dance… Nagito could hold him for a while, feel him warm against his hands. It was too much to bare. He blushed, but smiled brightly.

“That sounds fantastic!” Nagito leaned forward, kissing Kamukura deeply, “You’re the best. This makes up for me having to be stuck at home.”

Kamukura returned the kiss, pressing and nibbling a bit, “Sorry Nagito… but next time you can see him, all right?”

The promise made Nagito’s heart do all sorts of flips. Seeing Hinata and holding him again… it was too perfect. A small voice in the back of his mind asked him if it was guilt, if he was still harbouring it deep inside. The picture frame Nagito had stuffed into his night stand hadn’t left and still burned deeply inside him.

What if this didn’t work? What if he killed Hinata this time? Would that be the price of his selfishness? Permanently removing Hinata from his life forever? Nagito’s heart burned slowly at the idea, roasted on a spit and churning over an open flame. Losing Hinata wasn’t something Nagito wanted to consider. Clutching his chest, he looked at Kamukura.

His husband was silent, looking at him with a smooth gaze. Nagito carefully reached out and touched Kamukura, trailing his hand into his hair. Losing Hinata would break them. They’d never be the same. Suddenly Nagito was aware he had more than just Hinata to lose in this. His selfishness in dragging Hinata back from his chosen bliss was a heavy price and burden.

“I don’t want to lose you.” Nagito blurted out softly.

Kamukura lifted his hand and curled his fingers around Nagito’s. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“But… if I accidently kill Hinata in this… if somehow…” Nagito choked a bit.

“Not you. We.” Kamukura kissed Nagito’s knuckles, “It would be on both of us. You cannot shoulder the pain all by yourself. I’ll be there too.”

His words were both sweet and bitter. Nagito gave a strangled laugh. “You’re too good to me. I don’t deserve you.”

“I don’t deserve you either.” Kamukura firmly retorted, “But let’s not worry about that. Let’s focus on seeing Hinata.”

“Okay…” Nagito leaned into Kamukura, “I just… we’re pulling Hajime from his choice… I can’t help but worry.”

Kamukura stiffened, frigid in Nagito’s grasp, but then softened and pulled him closer. Nagito let him.

~

Komaeda’s words sent a memory dancing in his head, the question he wanted to ask Kuzuryuu… no needed to. The horribleness of the accusation was rancid and dripping with foul words… fouler emotions… but… maybe he could voice it in a way that didn’t try to shove the rotting pile of guilt, sweet and hot, into Kuzuryuu’s hands.

~

“You’re awfully happy.” Saionji pointed out, poking Hajime’s side, “What happened?”

Hajime looked up from folding flower origami, “What do you mean?”

Saionji knelt surprisingly fluidly in her kimono, and rolled her eyes, “Exactly what I said. You’ve been folding the same flower for like ten minutes. I asked you to help because you’re good at origami. Don’t do this to me.”

“Sorry.” Hajime quickly finished it off and set the finished flower to the side, “I just… met someone.”

“OH?” Saionji’s eyes widened, “Someone?” She took a deep breath, composing herself, “I mean, someone is interested in you?”

“Not like that!” Hajime protested, cheeks pink. He should have thought his wording out a little more, “I just met some people and they’re fun to hang out with.”

“A group?” Saionji deflated a bit before glaring, “Are you that much of a loser that you can’t get a date or what?”

“Eh?” Hajime’s eyes widened, “Where did dating come into this?”

“Since when was your last date, huh?” Saionji crossed her arms, “If you keep being a hermit you won’t meet anyone! Someone in that group you’ve met has to be cute or single, right?”

“Uh… it’s not a group… just a couple of people. They’re definitely not interested.” Hajime firmly said.

“Boring…” Saionji huffed. “But you haven’t disputed cute, so you’ve thought it, right?”

Cute? Hajime’s eyes widened. It was true, when he first saw Komaeda and Kamukura he thought they were stunning… and still did just stunning as a couple. There was nothing else. They were married and happily so. Not that Hajime was going to divulge the details of strangers to Saionji. They deserved privacy.

“Whatever.” Saionji stood up and pointed to the pile of paper at Hajime’s feet, “Get folding! I’ll grab Peko and Mahiru to help. I don’t trust any one else to fold the flowers for my show.” She marched off.

Sighing, Hajime looked at the pile of flowers compared with the paper he had to fold. October had fallen upon them and with fall shows starting, Saionji and Mioda were busy people. Pekoyama too, though with judging kendo, rather than performing. Adjusting himself, Hajime began to fold another flower, but was interrupted by the vibrating of his phone.

A message from Kamukura sat. Hajime smiled and reached for it. Sure, they didn’t text a lot, but after their café meeting, they sometimes sent messages, occasional questions of well-being. Sometimes Komaeda got involved and his questions were always so pointed, driving for the point. It was an intensity Hajime couldn’t remember experiencing, but welcomed in a way.

 _“Are dance lessons still something you want to do? Nagito wanted to do them at our house, but I managed to book a studio on campus. It’s easier. Text me if you’d like to join.”_ – Kamukura

Right. Dancing. Hajime felt a smile fill his face and he quickly replied.

 _“Sure, I’d love to. Let me know the details and I’ll see if I’m free.”_ – Hajime

~

The plan was set. Nagito bounced all over the rented space, touching the mirrors that lined the walls, watching his reflection as he moved, almost captivated that everywhere he turned, he could see himself.

Kamukura was at the stereo system, rifling through his phone, biting his lip as he searched through his extensive playlist. Nagito ran over, feeling light on his feet, now that he wasn’t confined by his shoes and socks. Wrapping his arms around Kamukura, he pressed a kiss to his cheek, glancing down.

“Something slow for us please? Have some mercy.”

“I want you two to succeed, not fall flat on your faces.” Kamukura muttered, creating a new playlist, “I think that’s what I’ll title this one. ‘For Clumsy People’.”

Nagito pouted, and was about to respond, when the door opened. Looking up, Nagito watched Hinata walk in, taking the room in before he spotted them. Waving he shut the door and set a small canvas bag down. He was dressed simply, with loose pants and a shirt. Nagito stared at the shirt, heart tugging a bit as he recognized the faded design.

“Hello.” Hinata greeted, “I’m not late, am I?”

“No, it’s fine. We got this place for an hour and fifteen minutes.” Kamukura stood up, hooking his phone to the stereo system. “Let’s start with a bit of stretching?”

Stretching hurt more than Nagito cared to admit, but there was a certain burn in his muscles after that felt good. He bounced up, feeling blood flow through his legs and arms. Hinata stood up too, a bit wobbly. Kamukura looked fine.

“What kind of dancing do you want to start with?”

“Something simple?” Nagito pouted, “That’s what I told you earlier!”

“Yes… but there are many basic…”

“Pick one.” Nagito rolled his eyes, “I don’t have a preference. The box step waltz?”

“Classic.” Hinata commented, laughing, “I don’t think Kamukura is going to start shaking his butt for us.”

“I dunno…” Nagito glanced at Kamukura from under his eyelids, “I got no problem with that.”

Kamukura coughed, blushing, “If you’re done… a waltz it is. Do you two know how to hold each other properly?”

Hinata lifted his arms in a mock position, “Like this?” He cocked his head.

“Traditionally if you’re the guy you do that.” Kamukura nodded, “Here, since you picked that, Nagito be the girl.”

“All right.” Nagito bounced over, heart soaring. He was going to hold Hinata again!

Standing in front of him, Nagito eagerly touched Hinata, loving how familiar he felt in his arms. The slow dance they shared at his wedding floated in his mind, but Nagito shoved that away. The memory left a bitter taste on his tongue, trailing into sweet at the end. It was not something he wanted to indulge in. Gently he let Hinata place his arms gingerly on him, curling around Nagito’s waist.

“Uh… sorry…” Hinata muttered, fingers ridged, like he was scared to touch more.

Nagito shook his head, “Don’t worry. I’m not too ticklish.”

“Ah, okay.” Hinata exhaled and looked up, smiling, “I haven’t seen you in a bit.”

“Sorry work.” Nagito automatically replied, “But I was very excited when Izuru told me about this. It’s nice to see you.”

Kamukura walked up, interrupting any response Hinata was going to give. He had pulled his hair up into a ponytail and Nagito couldn’t help but stare a bit. Hinata, too, if Nagito wasn’t imagining it.

“So, basics are back, side, together. Or forward, side, together.” Kamukura set a rhythm with the words. “You can let go of each other now… let’s start individually and move onto doing it together.”

Grumbling internally, Nagito let go of Hinata and followed Kamukura’s demonstration, falling into a smooth rhythm. After going through how to turn, they were permitted to try together.

“Let’s give this our best.” Nagito said as they re-found their positions.

“Okay.” Hinata smiled, “I’ll do my best to lead.”

Slowly they began to dance, Nagito silently remembering the beat of the words. Their movements when they turned were a bit awkward, but they managed, not bumping into walls and somehow not stepping on toes. It was a million times better than what they did at the wedding. Nagito almost regretted not practicing earlier. He had been so focused on Kamukura he didn’t even think about Hinata…

No. Not anymore. Firmly he grasped the idea and smiled. Never again. This was him fixing everything. Not that Hinata knew… and maybe he would never know… but that didn’t stop them from forming something.

“See! We got this!” Nagito cheered.

“Yeah…” Hinata gave a shaky smile, “I’m shocked. I thought we’d just be swaying in place.”

Nagito had to bite his lip to stop himself from confirming they already did that. Doing a few more twirls, they stopped, looking over at Kamukura, who was smiling at them. Walking over he patted both their shoulders.

“That was good.” He praised softly, “Want to try with music?”

“Sure.” Hinata agreed.

The tune Kamukura picked was classical, with a moderate rhythm and beat. Twirling along with Hinata, Nagito let him lead, smiling and heart soaring. All the insecurities floated away as they danced to the song. When the song ended, Nagito’s heart was about to burst in a bloody mess of emotions. Hinata’s face was a bit flushed and his eyes light with happiness. It was enough for Nagito to want to lean forward… take his lips… kiss him…

“Why don’t you take a break?” Kamukura’s voice gently stopped him.

Crap. Nagito exhaled and let go of Hinata. “Okay. I’m going to fill up our water bottles.” He bounced over to the empty containers, “They got one of those cool new fountains that fills them up. I’ll be back.”

~

Hajime watched as Komaeda left, staring. For a moment, he was certain, Komaeda was going to lean in and kiss him. The air between them had heated up and the look filtering slowly in his eyes had smoldered to something unspoken. But… that was ridiculous… he was married… and his husband was in the room. Surely, he imagined it… right? That was it. Walking to his bag, Hajime pulled out his water bottle and gulped half of the contents down, wiping his forehead, before sitting down.

“How was it?” Kamukura asked.

“Fun… and better than I expected.” Hajime answered, “You’re a great teacher.”

“Thank you…” Kamukura slowly said, “But only for technical things... anything else and I don’t think I can do it.”

“Did you teach Komaeda for your wedding too?” Hajime asked.

Kamukura shook his head, “We… never really did. I mean we did a bit… but we had so much planning to do… but thanks to our friends it wasn’t too bad.”

Hajime hummed, “That’s wonderful. Maybe I could meet these friends some day? Or see pictures of your wedding?”

Kamukura snorted and looked away, “Right. Say, want to try being led?”

“Uh… okay?” Hajime stood up, “But Komaeda isn’t back…”

With a smooth motion, Kamukura grabbed Hajime and pulled him close, fitting his hand on his waist, positioning Hajime’s arms so he was the one being led. Another smooth motion later, and they were dancing around the room, twirling with a smoother motion than when Hajime had led Komaeda.

 It was almost as though Kamukura was manipulating him gently, getting him to move the way he wanted, knowing where to go. There was no music, but they found a beat to move to, crescendos, decrescendos until they came to a stop to the silent music. Kamukura smiled and his hand on Hajime’s waist tightened. Hajime felt a blush fill his face. What was this? The air was getting harder to breathe and he could feel his chest twirl.

“Wow, you two looked so great.” Komaeda’s voice rang in the room.

Hajime immediately tugged away, heart pounding and breath gasping. What just happened? This time he was sure he wasn’t imagining something. Both Kamukura and Komaeda had gotten too close… what was this? His head hurt and Hajime stumbled a bit.

“Ha – Hinata?” Komaeda was walking towards him, hand outstretched, “Are you, all right?”

“Uh… yeah.” Hajime gave a smile, “Just… tired. I’ll sit and watch you dance…”

Komaeda frowned and gently touched Hajime’s forehead, brow furrowed. His hand was cool from holding the water bottles and felt good against Hajime’s skin. He tried to not lean into the touch.

“Are you sure?” Komaeda pushed, “You’re not feeling sick or anything are you?” He frowned, “We didn’t push you too hard?”

The concern in his voice was laced with something Hajime couldn’t place. His questions were deep, carrying something inside. It was beyond friendly concern, but why? Why was Komaeda looking at him like that? Like someone who was looking at a broken vase, hands sweaty from throwing the ball that caused the vase to crumble.

“I… I’m really okay.” Hajime assured him, “Go, dance with Kamukura. I’ll sit right here.”

Komaeda let go of him, and shut his eyes, breathing in deeply before replying, “Okay. Izuru… let’s dance?”

Kamukura gently pulled Komaeda into his arms, the two starting to dance smoothly across the room. Hajime sat down and watched. Something was coming out in their dance, energy, emotions… their movements too sharp, too angular, before swooping into curls and curves. It was an unspoken conversation, one that got faster and faster. Suddenly Kamukura was in lead, practically tossing Komaeda around with elegance and grace until they stopped in the middle of the room, panting. Staring at each other.

“Wow…” Hajime stood up, “You’re really great at dancing Kamukura…”

Kamukura turned to answer, but Komaeda pulled him into a kiss, almost violent, teeth clashing as their energy from the dance turned into their kissing. Hajime froze and watched. Somehow… seeing them kiss sent shivers twists in his body, aches he couldn’t control. His throat tightened and Hajime couldn’t breathe suddenly…

“Hajime?”

Komaeda’s voice was in his ears, hands warmly on his shoulders. Hajime looked up and realized he was kneeling, hand near his throat like the universal symbol for choking. He tried to find his words, to tell Komaeda he didn’t know why he was on the ground, or to question why his first name slipped easily from Komaeda’s lips. Inhaling and exhaling harshly, Hajime prepared himself to talk.

But couldn’t. Komaeda was kissing him, toppling him to the ground, pinning him to the cool floor. His lips were hot, demanding, kissing with a fever that had to escape his body. Angling his head, the kiss changed, tasting of sad desperation, burnt caramel apologies, and a wave of molasses coated with desire and love.

Something burst inside of Hajime, refreshing and salty like a cucumber coated in salt. Tears mixed with happiness ran down his face, but he didn’t know why. He didn’t know why his chest felt light, or why he was happy.

Komaeda pulled back, saliva connecting their lips. There was a blown look to his face, cheeks beautifully pink, eyes dark, fingers curled into Hajime’s thin cotton shirt. Small hot pants escaped his lips and he swallowed, rubbing the back of his hand against his lips, fingers brushing his mouth.

He was desirable… hot… Hajime wanted to reach out and tug him from his branches, taste him again, dive into him again, again, again…

“Nagito.”

The world crashed on them. Hajime turned his head and saw Kamukura standing there, expression blank as he took in his husband, straddling Hajime, lips and cheeks flushed from kissing him into oblivion. What had he done? What had Komaeda done? A rock dropped into his stomach and Hajime wanted to escape, get away…

“Sorry… I… panicked…” Komaeda softly said. To Hajime or Kamukura, he wasn’t sure.

But Hajime let the words hit him. Panicked. He panicked and that resulted in kissing him? What was going on? “That’s your reason?” Hajime asked. “You kissed me.”

Komaeda looked down at him again, eyes still smoldering, body an extra weight on Hajime. “Astute observation.” He muttered, but got off Hajime. “Sorry I just…”

“You kissed me!” Hajime felt his voice rise and a choked sob escape his throat, “You… your husband is right here!” He pointed to Kamukura, “Why did you kiss me? I’m a stranger. I’m just a person you’ve only known for a little while… but Kamukura…”

“It’s fine Hinata.” Kamukura cut him off, “Look… maybe we should come clean to you… when we first met…”

That again? Hajime shook his head and stared at Komaeda, “You thought you knew me… you’re… mixed me up or something in the heat of the moment. But now… this is cheating… you’re married… you can’t…”

“Hajime!” Kamukura’s voice rang in the room, “It’s… fine… if you’ll let us come clean…”

“No!” Komaeda suddenly said, “No… it’s… I’m sorry Hajime. I shouldn’t have kissed you I just… it’s a long story and…”

Hajime shook his head, “No… I… I’m sorry. Obviously, I’m in the middle of something unresolved with the both of you. I’m…sorry… I’m leaving. Please… I thought we were becoming friends, but if I’m just something to place between you two or something…”

“That’s not it.” Kamukura was in front of him, “You’re not doing any of that… please let us…”

“No.” Hajime pushed him away, feeling tears form. “This… was a bad idea. I’ll… leave you to sort it out… let me know… if things work out okay?”

He walked out. They didn’t stop him.

~

**Part Seven: And the Truth Will Set You Free?**

“I’m sorry.” Was the first thing that came out of Komaeda’s mouth as soon as Hinata left.

Izuru pulled his hair out of his ponytail and ran his fingers through the locks, “You scared him off. You were so scared about that… and now…”

“I know!” Komaeda bit out, turning around, glaring, “I didn’t mean to… but he was on the ground and his breathing was so choked… I thought I’d see flowers… I could see…”

He could see it. See flowers blooming out of Hinata’s lips, falling to the floor. Komaeda could see Hinata weakly gasping for air as flower after flower escaped his lips… and… Izuru could see Komaeda shaking. He was holding his body tightly, shaking, tears almost dripping down his face, which had taken a blue tone.

Without another thought, Izuru pulled Komaeda into his arms. Could he really blame Komaeda? The thought of losing Hinata again… the desire to show him he loved him. Izuru closed his eyes and saw the kiss, the desperate pressing, the thick wet sounds… it was hot. No inkling of jealously hit him. No green fingers curling in his heart… just satisfaction, longing, desire…

“I’m sorry Izuru… I’m so sorry…” Komaeda gasped out.

They fell to the floor together, slightly broken in each other’s embrace. There were so many things they needed to set right. Hinata needed space from them and… maybe it was time Izuru stopped wondering and visited Kuzuryuu. Deep down, he knew, the Yakuza Heir had answers.

~

After the disaster of dancing, Hajime poured himself into his work, going through reports and documents with a speed he didn’t know he possessed in hopes of forgetting. But the memory played in his mind whenever he stopped. Whenever he paused and made coffee, or took a shower, it popped up. The feel of Komaeda’s lips against his… the heat… the desire… it melted into his bones, his very skin, and stained him. The lingering question to what Kamukura was going to offer as an explanation filled Hajime, almost made him pull his phone out and text or call…

But he didn’t. He instead continued to work, staring with a long over due trip to Munakata’s office. Making sure to stop by a shop to buy some snacks as an apology for not visiting earlier, Hajime pocketed his phone and walked up the familiar stairs, to Munakata’s office. Knocking politely, he waited for the confirmation that Munakata was in the office, before walking in.

“Ah excuse me?” Hajime poked his head in.

Yukizome was there along with Sakakura. Their lunches were scattered on Munakata’s desk and clearly Hajime was interrupting something. Blushing, he waved, “Uh… sorry… I just thought I’d stop by…”

“Hinata-san!” Yukizome stood up and immediately bounced over, “It’s been ages!” She engulfed him in a hug, “How have you been?”

“Chisa, let the poor bastard breathe.” Sakakura sighed.

She pouted, but let him go, “We got a lot to discuss! Come, join us!”

Hajime shook his head, “I don’t want to intrude… just wanted to stop by and give a few reports.” He walked over and set them onto the desk, “And… some gifts?” He reached into the bag and pulled out the gifts.

“You didn’t have to.” Munakata gently said, “But I appreciate the thought Hinata-san.”

“He bought chocolate!” Yukizome cheered and snatched the chocolate up, “Thank you!” She immediately unwrapped it, “Want some?” She asked the other two.

“No…” Sakakura crossed his arms.

“Aw, but Juzo… it’s delicious.” Yukizome broke a piece and held it close, “Just a bit?”

“Get that away from me.” He batted her hand away, “Go ask the kid if he wants some. He bought it for you. At least offer him some geez…”

“What a martyr.” She pouted before turning, “Want a bit?”

“Uh… it’s for you, it’s fine.” Hajime protested.

“See?” She beamed, before eating a bit, “Anyways, before you run off, how was the wedding?”

Wedding? Hajime stared at her. She looked at him, as though she was expecting an answer, but… Hajime hadn’t been to a wedding recently… the last time he went to one was when his cousin got married. But that was five years ago. Her smile dropped and she cocked her head.

“Did something happen?” She asked.

“Uh… no?” Hajime asked, “I… just… what do you mean?”

Yukizome’s eyes widened and she dropped the chocolate bar onto the desk carelessly, before walking up to him, pulling out her small notebook she always carried around, flipping through it.

“I swear… it was in the summer… we even talked about you taking the day off…” She bit her lip. “Ah ha!” She stopped on a page and turned it around, pointing, “See?”

Sure enough, written on the page was the words “Hinata-san: away for a wedding” with the date underneath. Hajime stared… but that was… months ago…

“I was right!” Yukizome proudly said, closing the book, “So, tell me, how was it? How was Komaeda and Kamukura’s wedding?”

The names smacked Hajime in the face and he stared blankly at her. Komaeda and Kamukura? At once the memory of the dancing, the kiss filled his brain and he forcibly shoved it away. And here he was trying to forget about them, but Yukizome somehow knew them? But… he just met them. They never met his boss or knew where he worked. He never gave specifics. Hajime certainly didn’t know them when they got married… so what would possess Yukizome to think he attended their wedding?

Suddenly his mind flashed to when he first met Komaeda and Kamukura… how Komaeda claimed to know him… that… wasn’t a coincidence… what if he was telling the truth? Was that part of the explanation Kamukura was going to give before Hajime left? That they really were telling the truth?

Something cold filled him and his legs trembled. Hajime wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly feeling like the room was spinning too fast and if he didn’t protect himself something would shatter around him. But it was too late. The little world he had around himself was crumbling to dust.

“Hinata?” Her voice grew softer and she dropped the honorific, “Is everything okay?”

He stepped back, the room spinning a bit, a small laugh escaping his throat, “Um… Yukizome… I don’t know how you know those two… but I just met them. I didn’t attend their wedding. At all.”

It was her turn to stare, eyes wide and mouth open. Behind her Hajime saw Sakakura pale and Munakata stand up, walking around the desk, to place a hand on her shoulder. She whipped around and he shook her head at her, before looking at Hajime.

“Sorry. Our mistake. Thank you for the reports Hinata-san.”

He was being dismissed… Hajime took a deep breath and shook his head, “No… this… why did you think I went to their wedding? I… need answers.”

Sakakura swore under his breath and Munakata shook his head, “I think it’s best if you just forget this happened.”

The room was still was spinning, and he was still cold, but Hajime wasn’t going to back down, “No. I want answers. Please… tell me. Why do you think I went to Komaeda and Kamukura’s wedding?”

“I really don’t think we’re the ones to answer that.” Munakata firmly said. “Now go.”

Hajime had forgotten Sakakura was part of security. Before he could think, the ex-boxer picked him up and tossed him outside the room, blocking the door with his large shoulders.

“Sakakura…” Hajime protested, “I need to know.”

“Look kid, word of advice, sometimes… we’re better off not knowing things.”

He shut the door in Hajime’s face, leaving him with many unanswered questions swirling in his mind. There was no way they’d talk to him. But there had to be someone who knew… Hajime thought back. Did the rest of his friends know Kamukura and Komaeda? Was that a possibility?

The answer came to him with a smack to the face. The ice cream parlour… Kuzuryuu leaving for a while after he spotted Komaeda and Kamukura… that was it. He had to go talk to Kuzuryuu.

~

Izuru politely rang the bell and spoke into the intercom, “Hey, Fuyuhiko, it’s Izuru… could I talk to you?”

A moment passed and the door opened, revealing two people, dressed smartly and neatly. Giving a polite nod, Izuru let them lead him down semi-familiar halls and into a room. Kuzuryuu was sitting with a few documents on a desk. A few paper airplanes were littered on the floor, getting furiously glared at by Pekoyama.

“Izuru.” Kuzuryuu greeted, “What can I do for you?”

Carefully Izuru sat down, choosing his words, “First… I got a small confession to make. I’ve been researching the Hanahaki Disease in hopes of… fixing things.”

Kuzuryuu exhaled, “I… should have known.”

“And… something came up in my research.” He slowly said, “Particularly with Hajime… in the end he was so close, too close to death, but he didn’t do anything, didn’t tell us. At first I thought it was because of our wedding but…” He looked at Kuzuryuu. Their eyes met, “Did Hajime intend to get treatment in the first place?”

The question pierced the air. Kuzuryuu closed his eyes and opened them immediately. Izuru felt something slide slowly into his heart at the look Kuzuryuu gave. It was a mix, of blues, purples, and reds, swirling into a palette of truth and guilt. The truth was going to come out. Distantly, Izuru heard a knock at the door, but Kuzuryuu and him didn’t break their gazes.

“… yeah… he was… willing to die. In the end, I forced him.” Kuzuryuu replied, “I’m sorry I didn’t want to keep it but…”

“So… you forcibly saved Hajime by making him forget us…” Izuru concluded, “Because he wanted to…”

There was a crash in the distance. Izuru nearly jumped and looked over. Pekoyama was wide eyed, her hand on the door, holding it open. At the door was Hinata, staring at them. Izuru’s insides churned. It was barely a week since their dance incident and now… did he hear them? He must have…Kuzuryuu looked pale, almost sick. He wobbled to his desk, sitting down with a long sigh.

“F-Fuyuhiko?” Hinata’s voice was shaky, “K-Kamukura?”

“Wait you know him?” Kuzuryuu managed to ask, “Izuru you got some…”

“No.” Hinata stepped inside, “Both. You have some explaining to do.” He pointed to Kamukura, “Starting with you.”

“Me?” Izuru asked barely a whisper.

“Yes. Now.”

~

Hajime couldn’t think, his mind white fuzz. All he could hear was Kuzuryuu and Kamukura confirming he had his memories tampered with. On the way, over… it had crossed his mind, but the why had slipped through the cracks… but now… he could see it. He laughed and circled the room. It all made sense: Komaeda’s reaction to him, his friend’s reactions to the meeting, the almost too perfect coincidental meetings…

It was a set up… He was so stupid. Hajime laughed again and looked at Kamukura, his chest hot and burning, “Start talking. Because I heard something interesting today. Apparently, I was at your wedding. Is that true?”

Kamukura answered, “Yes, it is.”

“But I don’t remember that. I don’t know you at all.” Hajime choked out, “Why don’t I remember?” He asked despite hearing earlier. He continued to spit the words out, “Because I was dying, isn’t that it?”

Everything made sense. Why Kamukura was researching Hanahaki Disease, why Komaeda greeted him like they knew each other… “I was dying so I forgot to save my life. But you went after me anyways. WHY?” Hajime asked, “Why did you try to become friends with me? Why did you talk to me? See me?”

“Become friends?” Kuzuryuu’s eyes widened and he looked at Kamukura, “You… what were you and Nagito doing?”

“We…”

Hajime snapped, raising his voice higher, bringing attention back to him, “It’s because you couldn’t let me go. Neither of you right? That’s why you forced me to forget Fuyuhiko. And that’s why you and Komaeda pursued me.” He touched his throat, “Did you and Komaeda feel guilt? Is that why you went after me?”

“We… no… that wasn’t our intention… let me explain.” Kamukura said.

“Which one did I like?” Hajime pushed and didn’t wait for an answer. “It was Komaeda, wasn’t it? But he was so happy…so I didn’t do anything and no one never noticed until too late?”

A few tears wanted to fall. Hajime didn’t get anyone that satisfaction. “And that’s why you let Komaeda kiss me right? He wanted to give back my unrequited feelings while I had no clue. That way he could feel better, and move on, right?”

In the distance, Kuzuryuu made a choked sound. Hajime ignored it.

“No, that wasn’t it.” Kamukura stood up, eyes firm, “Yes, we felt guilty. How could anyone not Hajime? Fuyuhiko was the one to find you choking up flowers at our wedding reception. How do you think Nagito felt when he heard that?”

Hajime swallowed. He couldn’t answer… his rage dimmed a little and he tried to think… tried to see how it would be…

“You weren’t just a friend to Nagito.” Kamukura’s voice continued strongly, “You’re his best friend, since you were kids. You didn’t tell us because you wanted him to be happy. I know it. I know what kind of person you are.”

He wanted to reply, but Pekoyama suddenly slammed her kendo sword to the ground, glaring at them. The room was filled with silence. She crossed her arms. “Now that you know the truth Hajime, what will you do?”

Do? Hajime stepped back, her question hitting him out of nowhere. She continued.

“You were dying, so you must understand why it’s important to never see Nagito or Izuru again, right?”

Right… that… was true. What did the truth matter now? It was too late for him anyways. This wasn’t a revelation, more like a delayed piece of information Kuzuryuu kept from him illegally. He would’ve known months ago if he woke up in the hospital, but instead everyone crafted a lie to keep him alive. Sure, Komaeda and Kamukura were supposed to stay away… but they probably didn’t know. It made the meeting with Komaeda make sense.

But not the rest of it. Why they kept trying to make a connection. Kamukura hadn’t answered him. Hajime swallowed. He need the answer and he needed it without him pressured to lie or skim the details.

“You’re… sorry Fuyuhiko… Peko… I didn’t mean to yell at you two… but could you give me and Kamukura a moment alone?”

“… very well.” Pekoyama walked out, Kuzuryuu following her, “Take your time.”

The door shut firmly. Hajime turned to Kamukura. Best get this over with, “Be honest. Why? Why did you want a friendship with me? You and Komaeda.”

“We…” Kamukura paused, “We were heartbroken after we learned about you… Nagito couldn’t take it. He almost killed you. I… I couldn’t see him like that. But then… Nagito came up with an idea. There are only two ways to cure the sickness.”

Right. Memory loss and… oh… Hajime gaped and immediately felt blood flow to his head so fast he was dizzy. That meant that… that’s why he was okay with Komaeda kissing him.

“If the love is returned.” Hajime filled it in. “So, you’d sacrifice your marriage for me? Have Nagito return the love and what? Would you be happy with that? Us on the side?”

“That’s… not quite it.” Kamukura slowly said, walking over, “Nagito wants to return your love, yes, but…”

Kamukura reached out and touched Hajime softly, “He asked me if I could grow to love you too.”

Too? The word was extremely selfish, laced and layered with no compromise. It was all or nothing. Komaeda had concluded that they should be in a… threesome? All of them? That was his solution? Hajime wanted to laugh, but he didn’t have the energy. Not when Kamukura was looking at him with turmoil and resolve marbled together.

Their kiss wasn’t like the one with Komaeda. This kiss was soft, gentle, meant to test boundaries, boundaries between people who were new to each other. Their lips found a rhythm, slow like the dance Kamukura had taught him. When fingers curled into each other’s hair, Hajime didn’t resist. He kissed back, tasting Kamukura on his tongue, invading everything.

They collapsed against Kuzuryuu’s desk and the rounded corner dug into Hajime’s back dully, but he didn’t care. They kissed until oxygen was needed. Parting Hajime looked at Kamukura, who was blushing, touching his lips with his free hand. Warmth pooled in Hajime’s stomach, not unlike the kiss with Komaeda. This was the solution, the one Komaeda came up with.

Would it work? Hajime felt Kamukura pull away, leaving him slightly cold without his body heat. It was too ideal. There was no way all three of them could work something out. And even if they could… guilt was fueling this, right?

“Sorry.” Kamukura broke their silence with an apology, “If you don’t want to see us after this… I understand. We’re sorry we kept things from you. It was to make sure you were safe.” He straightened his hair and shirt, “I’ll… be going.”

Just like that? Kiss and leave? Hajime grabbed his arm and glared, “After all that you’re just going to leave?”

“Our plan was to get you to love both of us so if you ever remember one day, you won’t die.” Kamukura plainly said, “But if you don’t want this, we aren’t going to force you. It’s your choice now.”

His choice… to pursue them or not… to risk potentially dying. Would he risk himself out of someone’s guilt? What if Komaeda wasn’t sincere enough? He’d die… guilt made people do outrageous things and there was no guarantee.

“Think on it.” Kamukura said, “Whatever choice you make is fine.”

~

Kamukura barely walked through their door when he dropped the bomb on Nagito. “He knows. He heard me talking with Fuyuhiko. We argued. We kissed. I told him it’s his choice now.”

What? Nagito almost shoved his laptop off his legs as he scrambled to stand, “I beg your pardon? You went to talk to Fuyuhiko? Hajime heard?”

“Yes. He came over for some reason. Heard us… it’s…” Kamukura plopped down heavily, “Let me explain…”

Right. Nagito shoved his emotions, the ones threatening to spill over, and sat down beside Kamukura, snuggling against him, hoping his body heat and weight would comfort him to talk easier.

~

**Part Eight: Final Choices**

Hajime stumbled home, head swirling, curling and hurting. After Kamukura left him, he went to find Pekoyama and Kuzuryuu. Forgiving them was easy as breathing. He had all but stumbled into them and hugged them tightly, both groups spilling apologies at the same time, filing the room until the sound was mindless and they were all curled together in a giant hug. When he finally extracted himself from the tangle of limbs, Hajime went to the kitchen and made tea for all of them, letting the warm liquid calm his mind.

But now… he had to face Kamukura’s words. Flopping onto his bed, Hajime touched his lips and remembered both kisses. Both had an edge of desperation, sickly and bitter. But… both had other layers… desire… fear… comfort… interest. It all combined in a mismatched dish. What was real? What was fake?

The solution dangled on a string in front of Hajime, taunting him with promises, hope, happy endings. It was glittery and shiny, drawing all to it, but was it real or was it fake?

~

In the end, Hajime didn’t sleep well. When he woke, the day smacked him in the head, starting with how he behaved in front of Munakata. How unprofessional. Even if they were hiding the truth, he needed to apologize for his actions. So, Hajime got out of bed, forced himself to change, and took the train to the University.

The day was still early, but he knew Munakata would be there. Knocking on the door, he didn’t wait and entered. Munakata was sitting at his desk. Yukizome’s hands were tying his tie, while Sakakura was at his side, running fingers through his hair. It was so intimate, Hajime nearly walked backwards out of the room, but they all spotted him.

“Good morning Hinata.” Yukizome chirped.

“I… came to apologize for yesterday.” Hajime said, “I was out of line. I’m sorry.”

“You better be…” Sakakura muttered.

 Yukizome elbowed him. “We’re sorry I didn’t realize… we didn’t realize until I asked about the wedding…”

Turned out Kuzuryuu wasn’t as meticulous when it came to his work. Hajime held back a laugh, “It’s… fine I talked to… my friends...”

“Including Komaeda and Kamukura right?” Yukizome pushed.

“I… yes…” Hajime fumbled, “I… got a lot of things to sort out, but maybe I could start by moving back into your department? I miss it here.”

“Aww did you hear that Kyosuke, Juzo? He misses us!” Yukizome beamed.

“He said the department, geez don’t extrapolate things that aren’t there.” Sakakura grumbled.

Yukizome rolled her eyes, but she leaned forward and kissed his nose, “I just see things you don’t.” She then turned to Hajime, “So, what will you do with Komaeda and Kamukura, if you don’t mind me asking.”

That was the question of the year. Hajime bit his lip, “I’m… not sure…”

“A word of advice.” Munakata suddenly spoke, “Guilt isn’t always a bad motivation for something. Guilt is a natural response to knowing something went wrong.”

“Would you look at that?” Yukizome puffed with pride, “He’s grown so much, hasn’t he Juzo?”

“Yeah, yeah…” Juzo rubbed his head, “Look kid if you want something instead of worrying, you got to take their guilt and beat the shit out of it until it changes to whatever the hell you want it to be.”

Hajime suddenly saw the scene in a different light. He blushed and watched as Yukizome laughed and Juzo looked away, a bit pink. Munakata sighed and patted both of their shoulders.

“It’s probably different from whatever solution you’re thinking of… but this works for us.”

“So… it’s possible?” Hajime looked at them, wondering which one had suffered in silence. He wasn’t going to ask though.

“Yeah, anything can work if you just beat it enough times.” Sakakura snapped, “Now get your lazy ass moved into here by the end of the day.”

“You’re not my boss…” Hajime protested.

“Move. NOW.” Sakakura glared, cracking his knuckles.

“Don’t listen to him,” Yukizome called out as Hajime left, “He missed you too Hinata!”

~

Getting the address from Kuzuryuu was easier than Hajime thought. He stood at the threshold of their house, finger paused on the door bell before he rang it. The door practically broke as it opened. Komaeda stood at the entrance. The moment he registered Hajime, he pulled him into a hug, tugging him inside, apologies bubbling from his lips.

“Just… let me breathe.” Hajime muttered, “Look, I… can I talk to you two?”

“Izuru!” Komaeda yelled, “Hajime is here.”

First name already? Well probably again was more like it. Hajime sat down and watched as the two of them sat across from him while he took the couch. Swallowing Hajime tried to think of the words to say, the proper words but all that came out was.

“I think… I can give this a try.”

Crap. Here he wanted to be a bit smoother… a little less…

Too late. Komaeda launched himself at Hajime and tackled him to the couch, kissing him with the same fever he exhibited when they danced. Hajime this time kissed back, curling fingers into his hair. When they finally broke, Hajime was tugged over, Kamukura kissing him smoothly. Hajime didn’t realize he was crying and laughing until they parted, lips tingling from two people’s kisses.

“You mean this?” Komaeda asked, “You really… really do?”

“I… yes.” Hajime wiped his eyes, “But if guilt is fuelling this I’ll walk out and…”

Komaeda kissed him again, pushing a leg between Hajime’s, pushing firmly. It sent shivers down Hajime’s spine as they parted with a soft moan. At his side, he could feel Kamukura pressing kisses to his neck.

“A bit of guilt.” Komaeda said, “But I promise… I won’t over look you again. This time… it’s all of us. This time… we’ll work it out together.”

“But what if I don’t remember anything?”

“Then modern science is truly amazing.” Kamukura muttered.

“But you’re married too.” Hajime continued.

“We’ll have another wedding.” Komaeda said, “But this time I’ll have another husband.”

It was so… corny… but Hajime couldn’t help it. He smiled and relished it.

~

**Epilogue**

His new ring had barely sat on his hand for two days, when Hajime dropped the plate he was drying. A rush filled his head, but softly. It was like opening a door, of finding a lost item. It didn’t hurt. His chest didn’t ache. No flowers threatened to spill. Only tears. Warm tears, mixed with sadness and love ran down his cheeks. Hajime stared at the wall, watching the sunlight dance as slowly, but surely the memories filled the empty spaces in his brain.

“Hajime?” Komaeda asked.

“What’s wrong?” Kamukura was at his side.

Hajime pulled them into a hug, “I… remember.”

It was all he needed to say before he was assaulted with kisses and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natsumi: I found a way to add her in! HURRAY.
> 
> Natsumi/Sato: A friend tagged me in a post that basically went "I hate you" "I hate you more" = OTP. And I thought... why not make them a pairing here? For fun.
> 
> Social Media: Don't read too much into it... I just figured that Kuzuryuu would find a way to block certain people from seeing Hajime's stuff.
> 
> Business Cards: Very important in Japan and usually given when first meeting people for any work function.
> 
> Kanji Translation: There are many different ways to read kanji and sometimes rarer ones are used. For example, the woman I work with had to write the full phrase for "The United States of America". Usually Japan just writes "America" in katakana, so she forgot the kanji and had to look it up.
> 
> Singing Telegram: Or Valentine, the first University I went to did that as a charity. The choral group would sell them and you could send one to someone. They'd then come in and sing whatever song the other picked and give a card and chocolate.
> 
> Munakata/Yukizome/Sakakura: Okay, so I high key ship Munakata/Sakakura, but I low key OT3 them. But unlike my other OT3 for them I see it more as... sharing Munakata... so an open relationship rather than a pure OT3.


End file.
